You're So Pretty, You Could Date Any Guy You Wanted To

Or, a Brief History of My "Romantic Interests."

First of all let me apologize if my last post was a bit heavy; but it was something that needs to be talked about.

Second of all let me preface this post by saying I'm really not sure where I'm going with it. And let me apologize because this post is a bit long.

What I want to talk about is the fact that throughout my entire life I've been told in some way or another "you're so pretty, you could date any guy you wanted to." Let me start by saying that is simply not true.

When I was little I remember men telling my father that my sisters and I were so pretty that he would have to beat boys away. When I was in the 5th grade, my brother's girlfriend (they were seniors in high school) told me that I was so pretty that I would have lots of guys asking me out in high school, my ex's (now ex) girlfriend told me that I was so pretty I could have any guy I wanted. I'm sure if I thought longer I could come up with more examples, but for now I'll just stick with these three.

I'm tired of being told this because, like I said, it simply isn't true.

In 22 years of life I have had 5 "romantic interests" (if you will). I am defining "romantic interest" as a guy who was interested in me, I was interested in him to some degree, and he asked me on a date or asked me to be his girlfriend. FIVE. You can count them on one hand or one foot, if you'd prefer. They are:

Guy A: Asked me to be his girlfriend, never went on an actual date during the time we were "dating", only talked on the phone, said I was too clingy, cut off the circulation in my fingers the one time we held hands, was only dating me because I was smart and he could use me for "help" on homework. Broke up with me in less than a month.

Guy B: Asked me to be his girlfriend after knowing me for a very brief period of time, was super clingy and didn't let me eat lunch (because he had his arms wrapped around me), talked on the phone, never went on an actual date. Broke up with me in a month or two. Went to his PROM together (he was a senior, I was a sophomore) as friends (it was awkward and he mostly danced with other girls). Still not sure why he dated me.

Guy C: Flirted with me at school. Tried to kiss me. Tricked me into kissing him at my friend's birthday party. Asked me to be his girlfriend. Broke up with me the next morning via text. He was using me to make a girl jealous (it worked, they are still dating).

Guy D: Flirted with me at school. Asked me out after a couple of months. Took me on a lot of dates. Bought me candy, hot chocolate, and food. Lent me his iPod. Started going to church with me. Kissed me (not a trick or forced, I actually wanted to). Dated for 2 years. Thought things were going well. Broke up with me. Started dating someone about a month later (they are no longer dating though). Still can't figure that one out.

Guy E: Worked at the same place. Gave me his number. Got to know each other better through texting. Asked me out through texting. Told me it wouldn't work over Facebook. This was over a period of about a month.

Guys A-C were all during my sophomore year of high school. I started dating Guy D my senior year of high school. And Guy E was this year (my senior year of college).

Maybe that seems like a lot of guys to you....but it doesn't to me. Especially when you consider that two of them were just using me. So as far as I'm concerned, guys have been few and far between. I certainly cannot date any guy that I want to.

So assuming that it's true that I'm as pretty as people think (I'm not so sure...really), guys base who they ask out on more than appearance and I am doing something wrong. First of all, kudos to guys for not being as shallow as y'all are portrayed in popular culture. Second of all, I really wish I knew what they based it on. I know that there is something to initial physical attraction, but beyond that I have no idea why guys ever ask anyone out. If any guy happens to be reading this, please oh please let me know! For the sake of myself and girls everywhere. We just don't get what we are doing wrong.

I don't know what it is, but I do know that a) you are beautiful whether guys ask you out or not, b) you are worth a ton whether guys ask you out or not, c) there is so much more to life than relationships, and d) please don't let relationships define you.

I'm not complaining that people (mostly girls) think I'm pretty, but those comments did give me some false expectations, and I'm not gonna lie, I have been a bit disappointed that I don't feel more desirable....but there are so many more important things!

Love,

Sharon

Mental Self Harm

I wanna talk about something a little bit serious for a minute.

I'm a broken person. Sometimes I hurt and sometimes I do things to make myself hurt. I don't mean physically.

I mean emotionally. I mean mentally.

Let me explain, sometimes I mentally berate myself, tear myself down, tell myself all of the things that are wrong with me, and just otherwise beat myself up. I can be pretty brutal to myself. I don't treat others this way; I reserve it just for myself.

Other times I look at things that I know are going to hurt me. Like my ex's facebook, his new girlfriend's facebook. I don't do it in a stalker-ish way...I do it because I know it will hurt me. I don't know why I do this. It certainly doesn't make me feel good.

Some people might say that I have low self-esteem (which is sometimes true), other people might say it's an example of negative self-talk (which is probably true). I think it's a type of self harm. I know self harm is typically physical, but this makes me hurt too. And I know it's a bad thing. I think it's probably a symptom or an indicator of a larger problem, although mostly I feel fine...I can't explain it. I even tell myself I shouldn't do it...and then I do...I'm sure that it's unhealthy and it doesn't accomplish anything. I really don't understand it at all.

But I wish people would talk about this more. Maybe do some research on it. Acknowledge that we can mentally self harm and try to help those of us who do this.

What do you think? Is it a kind of self harm? Do you do this? Why do you do it? How can we stop? Let me know.

Sharon