I'm a broken person. Sometimes I hurt and sometimes I do things to make myself hurt. I don't mean physically.
I mean emotionally. I mean mentally.
Let me explain, sometimes I mentally berate myself, tear myself down, tell myself all of the things that are wrong with me, and just otherwise beat myself up. I can be pretty brutal to myself. I don't treat others this way; I reserve it just for myself.
Other times I look at things that I know are going to hurt me. Like my ex's facebook, his new girlfriend's facebook. I don't do it in a stalker-ish way...I do it because I know it will hurt me. I don't know why I do this. It certainly doesn't make me feel good.
Some people might say that I have low self-esteem (which is sometimes true), other people might say it's an example of negative self-talk (which is probably true). I think it's a type of self harm. I know self harm is typically physical, but this makes me hurt too. And I know it's a bad thing. I think it's probably a symptom or an indicator of a larger problem, although mostly I feel fine...I can't explain it. I even tell myself I shouldn't do it...and then I do...I'm sure that it's unhealthy and it doesn't accomplish anything. I really don't understand it at all.
But I wish people would talk about this more. Maybe do some research on it. Acknowledge that we can mentally self harm and try to help those of us who do this.
What do you think? Is it a kind of self harm? Do you do this? Why do you do it? How can we stop? Let me know.
Sharon
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