Engagement Season

Recently I heard a Kay Jewelers commercial that said it was "engagement season." I scoffed and said to my mother that I thought there was no particular engagement season; people just got engaged whenever the guy (or whoever is doing the proposing) feels its the correct time. She agreed with me.

But in the past month, two of my friends have gotten engaged, one friend got married, and my sister got married.

In June, one of my best friends got married.

Several girls in my sorority got engaged and married in the spring and over the summer.

So I don't really know if its "engagement season" or not, but I do know that I am at that age where it seems like everyone around me is getting engaged and married.

I'm happy for all of them, I am.

But it's hard.

It's hard not to see what they have and want it too. It's hard not to be a *little* bit jealous. It's hard not to feel a little inferior.

Now, dear reader, if you know exactly what I'm talking about, let me tell you, you are not inferior because you aren't getting engaged or married. There is nothing wrong with you because you aren't engaged. Wherever you are in your life, whatever you are doing right now, is exactly right for you.

I have a boyfriend who I would like to marry. I would really like him to get down on one knee with a ring and propose. But he hasn't. And that's okay. There is nothing wrong with me or with him or with us, just because we aren't engaged and planning a wedding.

I know that I tend to rush toward the next thing and not enjoy where I am. So maybe, I should just enjoy this time of being able to be my own person. Of only being responsible to myself, only having to cook for myself, clean up after myself, being able to watch whatever I want on tv, being able to write a blog post at midnight, and listen to whatever music I want however loud I want whenever I want.

That probably sounds a little selfish.

But I think before a person can be in a healthy relationship (or marriage), they must be confident of their self identity outside of a relationship. That is necessary for any person to be mentally healthy and fulfilled. And then they will be even better in a relationship.

I know its hard though. With all of these constant reminders: facebook posts, tweets, IG posts, pinterest pins, blogs, commercials, tv shows. American culture seems to put a HUGE emphasis on getting engaged and getting married.

But what we rarely say is that it is okay to be single or just dating someone. Your relationship is valid even if you don't have a big hunk of carbon on your finger. YOU are valid even if you aren't in a relationship.

I think timing is a huge thing. According to the Bible, "For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven..." (Ecclesiastes 3:1). So there is a time be single, dating, proposed to, engaged, married.

And if you aren't at the time as everyone around you, so what? Your clock is just a little different from theirs. Maybe their clock runs fast, maybe yours runs a little slow. Maybe they are in a different time zone than you. It really doesn't matter.

All that matters is you are where you are and it is the perfect place for right now. Don't rush it. Just enjoy it.

For what its worth, my boyfriend knows that I *really* wanna be engaged and sometimes he feels as though if a stranger were to propose to me, I would jump up and down and get excited and say yes. He sometimes feels that I just want the ring and the wedding and that I don't care who the other person is. He says I'm "ring hungry" (this phrase sounds like it would be on Urban Dictionary, but last I checked it wasn't. Weird, right?). I absolutely do care. But the fact that he ever thinks that tells me there is something not quite right with our relationship. It shows me that I need to be better at communicating just how important he is to me.

And when the time is right, it will be our turn to be engaged.

Don't be ring hungry,

Sharon

Going to Grad School: Signing the Lease

You've been approved for your apartment and its time to sign your lease!

Usually a representative of the apartment will go through the lease with you and show you where to initial, sign, and date the document. Even though they will offer a brief summary of each page, it is SO important  that you read each page and section, you need to know what you are agreeing to. A lease is a legally binding document.

Usually at the same that you sign the lease, the guaranty form will need to be completed. This form should be completed by someone (usually a parent or guardian) who agrees to pay your rent for you if you don't for some reason.

There may be additional forms filled out at this time as well. Such as pet or vehicle information.

You may also need to submit your security deposit at this time if you haven't already.

There is often a Community Policy Handbook that you will have to sign and agree to abide by.

Again, be sure to read everything that you sign!

Soon, it will be time to move in!

Unitl then,

Sharon

Going to Grad School: Finding a Place to Live

During the spring semester of my senior year at Texas State University, I applied to the master's non-thesis Marine Biology IDP program at TAMUG. I was accepted.

At first I wasn't sure if I was going to go or not, but after I applied for a ton of jobs, I hoped that that was a signal from the man upstairs that I should go ahead and go to grad school.

This meant that I had to find a place to live in Galveston. But as I'm about four hours away, that is quite difficult.

I googled Apartments in Galveston, TX which did return results, but ultimately wasn't that helpful. I looked on craigslist for apartments which helped me find two possible complexes and I looked up apartment locators in Galveston. However, the most useful resource was from the University's website.

Many Universities have information about off-campus living. This is probably the most reliable resource you can use. Although TAMUG requires all undergraduate students to live on campus, they have a listing of apartments which are willing to work with students, this listing also included what the rental rates were and what was included.

What to look for:

1. Rent - First, make yourself an approximate budget and determine how much you can afford in monthly rent. Do not look at apartments that are above your price range.

2. Utilities - Some apartments which are geared toward students will include all or some amount of the utilities. But it is very important to know what you are expected to pay. At my two apartments in San Marcos, no utilities were included. The electricity was metered and paid through the city, which worked out quite well. At my first apartment gas and water were allocated (water was allocated at my second apartment), which frustrated me. This means that your water bill is dependent on the entire building's water usage, which is then divided by the number and square footage of the units. So it is very difficult to control bills for utilities that are allocated. Utilities also tend to change from month to month so when rent includes all of your  utilities, budgeting is a lot easier.

3. Proximity to campus - I prefer to live within walking distance to campus, but if you don't mind living further and driving to and from school then you can increase your search radius. Often, apartments further from campus are less expensive. Also, if yur school has a bus system, its a good idea to look for an apartment that is either on the bus route or within walking distance of a bus stop.

4. Lease length - Often student's only live in the college town during the school year. If you plan to go home during the summer, it's a good idea to look for an apartment that offers 9 moth lease terms. But often, you may be stuck with a 12 month lease.

5. Roommates - Living with roommates is often less expensive, but can introduce new issues. Living in an apartment that offers "by-the-bed" leasing can help to reduce tensions because you aren't responsible for your roommates rent. If you would like to have roommates to save money, but don't have anyone to live with, keep in mind that many apartments do "roommate matching" though it should be noted that they may not try that hard to match you with someone. I have friends who say that you should not live with friends, because it may ruin the friendship. While this isn't true of everyone, I have seen it happen. If you do live with roommates, I recommend suggesting a "Roommate Agreement" which may help ease tension and reduce future problems. Just remember, you have to stick to the roommate agreement, not just your new roommate.

6. Do you have pets that you will be bringing with you? Most apartments have a pet deposit or pet rent. Some complexes have breed restrictions on dogs. These are things to be aware of when looking for your apartment.

Once you've found your ideal apartment, it's time to apply! I'll talk about that in my next post.

Happy hunting,

Sharon

Twitter-zilla

Twitter. It can be a great social media device.

Or it can be a friendship destroying monster.

It all depends how you use it.

I tend to use it frequently with random content. From complaints about neighbors to buzzfeed quizzes to following bull riders to pictures of cute animals to venting about friends.

I've seen it before. A girl posts something nasty about a friend, the friend finds out, and then they aren't such good friends anymore.

You would think this cautionary tale would have stopped me from doing what I did. But it is like second nature to me. Something frustrating or annoying happened and so I pulled out my phone and tweeted it. It is so fast, so easy. And that's exactly the problem. In 140 characters or less, you may have just torn another person down. You don't have to think about it. You just type it in and press tweet and bam, it is out there for the world to see.

You might not have meant anything by it (I didn't). It might have been no big deal to you. You might have just been annoyed or frustrated and so you wanted to vent and so you did. It was easy. And now you just move on.

Or if you are like me, you probably tweeted ten (or more) things (or one really long thing that takes more than one tweet to explain) and then you moved on. You probably didn't think about it again (I didn't). You just moved on, relieved of your complaints; you vented, you drained, you released, you blew off steam. So you're fine.

But here's the thing: the internet doesn't know that. The person reading the tweet doesn't know that. The person reading the tweet, who the tweet is about, who you were certain would never read the tweet, doesn't know that you are completely fine, that it was no big deal, that everything is fine as far as you are concerned (that's another problem with social media, it's so self-centered).

But to them, their world is deflated. They think you hate them. They think you can't stand them. They are hurt.

You didn't mean anything by it.

But they are devastated.

And maybe they say something about it. And then you are taken aback. Then you scramble trying to figure out what to do. You say you were just venting. You look at your tweets (most of which you have completely forgotten about) and for the most part, you feel like they were fine, that there is no reason for the other person to be upset, but maybe there are one or two that you read and you cringe, you think "I really should not have said that." You know just how much it would have hurt if you had read that one particular tweet. And yeah, you can delete them so that no one will ever read those tweets again.

But it's too late.

The damage has already been done.

I don't really know what to do about that. I'm still in this whole process. But here is what I do know:

1. You have to be very careful what you post on social media.
You might think you know who will see it and read it. You might mean nothing by it. But in reality, you can't control what other people read or how they feel about what they read, so you need to be very mindful of what you post. It could definitely have negative repercussions. So THINK before you post.

2. Everyone needs to vent.
No one is happy with 100% of the people around them 100% of the time. And that is totally okay. But be careful how you vent. Write it in a journal. No one else will read this. It is a safe place for your thoughts. Or you could write it down, tear it up, and throw it away. I really, really don't see how that could go wrong. If you really need to tell someone, be selective about who you tell. Don't tell a mutual friend or the biggest gossip you know. Tell someone who will understand that this is just between the two of you and that things are fine between you and whoever you are venting about.

3. If you have been on the receiving end of this, I'm sorry.
Words can really hurt. But try to remember, more than likely things are okay. Everyone needs to vent. I'm sure you vent too. Maybe you are more tactful about it, but think of your parents, significant other, friends. Think of all the people who you love, who you care about the most. At some point or another, you have been mad/embarrassed/frustrated/annoyed with them, that's a normal part of relationships. And maybe you wrote something about them in a journal or on a blog or on twitter or maybe you told a good friend. Maybe you even told them something really hurtful to their face. You were venting. Everyone needs to vent. Not everyone deals with these sorts of things the same way and that's okay. You have been mad/frustrated/annoyed with someone that you could never imagine not being a part of your life. It doesn't mean that they dislike you, we all need to vent and it doesn't necessarily mean anything bad for the relationship.

Be careful with your words.

Live in harmony with each other. Don't be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know it all! - Romans 12:16 New Living Translation

Think before you post!

Sharon

Maintaining Relationships

Hi guys,

So I'm going to try something a little bit different. I made a video! It's on YouTube, but it's unlisted so you can only see it if you use this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLSIx7JR5MU&feature=youtu.be (hopefully it works). The link is hot, so you should just be able to click and go to YouTube, if not, try copying and pasting.

In this video I'm going to talk about maintaining relationships (all kinds of relationships, focusing on non-romantic relationships).

What I hope you'll get out of it is:

• Spend time with your friends
• Let them know they're important to you!
• It's okay to ask for their support (in fact, it's important)
• BUT be sure to be there for them too!

Plus you'll get to see what I look like, which might make this blog a bit more personal, I think?

Anyways, let me know what you think. Should I do more blogs this way? What would you like me to talk about? PLEASE give me feedback. I feel like I'm just talking to myself here.

This video is a bit long, it's around 11 minutes, but please stick it out, I think you kind of get to see my personality.

If you regularly read this blog (and even if you don't), PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE provide me some sort of feedback, I'm trying to do this for you!

Let me know what you think!

Be good to your friends,

Sharon

Dating Guidelines

So you're entering into a relationship with someone! That's exciting! Maybe you've dated before but you want to proceed in this relationship in a different way.  But do you know how to go about it? I know I'm currently single, but I have dated in the past, I have read books, I have talked to people. What follows is a list of guidelines that I think would be useful in dating, and if/when I date/court in the future, I plan to follow them.

1. Have Non-negotiables:
• Non-negotiables are deal-breakers. Reasons you won't date someone. Define them, know them, and stick to them. There's no point in defining them if you are just going to throw them out the window as soon as you meet someone.
• If you are a Christian, don't date non-Christians. I don't care if you prayed about it and you think God says it's okay. This is the test of all tests. This is the line of all lines. You can't have a Christ-centered relationship if the other person isn't Christian. You don't share the same values. If your faith is actually important to you, it will be a problem to be in a relationship with someone who isn't a Christian. This is Biblical. The Bible tells Christians to be set apart and not to marry non-Christians (this is two different verses). The Bible is the Word of God. If it so clearly tells us to specifically do something (or to not do something), we should probably listen.
• My two biggest non-negotiables are that I won't date someone who isn't a Christian and I won't date someone who smokes. I have other preferences, yes, but if you don't pass those two tests, I won't date you.
2. Set Boundaries
• These boundaries should define what sorts of interactions are or are not unacceptable. For instance, it might be a bad idea to be alone in private together. You may not want to spend time together late at night.
3. Make sure both of you are aware of the boundaries
• Boundaries are easier to stick to if you are on the same page.
4. Tell other people about your boundaries
• Tell the people you spend the most time with or talk to the most, tell the people you live with, tell your parents. They will be able to help you stick to your boundaries.
• Don't get mad when the people you have shared your boundaries with tell you that they think you aren't sticking to your boundaries.
5. Listen to your friends and family
• If they come to you with concerns about the relationship. Listen! Don't get mad, discount what they tell you, or make excuses. Often when we care about someone the chemicals which make us feel as though we are in love (oxytocin, serotonin, adrenaline, and some others) tend to make us perceive the world differently and can cause us to ignore our significant others' flaws which may be detrimental in the long run. What I'm saying is your family and friends may be aware of things that you are completely unaware of.
• In fact, it would probably be a good idea to ask friends and family members what they think, especially people who know you well and who you trust.
6. Don't have sex
• When we have sex, our bodies produce the hormone vasopressin which, among other things, helps to develop a pair bond. It may cause a relationship that should've ended quickly to last awhile. And when you do break up, it will cause extreme pain when that pair bond is broken. It is in your best interests not to have sex.
7. Hang out with your friends
• Should the relationship not work out, it is important to still be close to your friends so that you can have support during this difficult time. And if the relationship is successful, you won't have to search out people to be in your wedding.
8. Don't lose yourself in the relationship
• It is okay to take interest in the things he is interested in, but he should take interest in the things that you are interested in.
• It is also important to be able to do things separately, sometimes we just need some time apart.
• Keep pursuing your interests throughout the relationship. You shouldn't have to give up an interest or a hobby to keep the relationship. He should respect that it is a part of who you are, he doesn't have to take up your hobbies, but he shouldn't prevent you from doing them.
• This is another thing that will help should the relationship end, you won't have to figure out who you used to be before the relationship and it will help you to be able to do things that you enjoy.
• In fact, my mother once recommended that I make a list of things that I enjoy doing and do them throughout the course of any relationship and I think this is a very good idea. 

Remember there's more to life than relationships, but if you are pursuing one or want to pursue one, be smart about it!

Also, you might want to check out my post on Courtship.

Happy Dating!

Sharon

Courtship

Recently I've been thinking a lot about relationships. I'm surrounded by them. I know a lot of girls who are dating or are engaged. As I mentioned previously, my roommate recently started dating this guy. Since it's her first relationship, I've been trying to help her, and talking to her has brought up some really tough questions. Especially about boundaries.

A few days ago I finished reading this book called, "Boy Meets Girl Say Hello to Courtship" by Joshua Harris. You might be a little freaked out by the word 'courtship.' It might seem old fashioned or you might think of it as the weird dating thing the Duggars do where the parents go on all of the dates with their kids. But that isn't the idea of courtship in "Boy Meets Girl." It's a kind of radically different approach to dating or relationships or whatever you want to call it. What it boils down to is being intentional, protective, and guarding your hearts as you pursue a relationship with someone else. Maybe like me, you've heard of being intentional and guarding your hearts. And maybe like me, you weren't quite sure what that meant. After reading this book, I think being intentional just means approaching the relationship honestly and with the intention of answering the question, "should I marry this person?" That is what dating is about after all, finding a husband or a wife; a partner for life. Guarding your hearts (as I understood it) is about being honest with the person you are in a relationship with about where you see the relationship going, not sharing too much of yourself too soon (emotionally or physically).

Courtship is this radically different approach to dating that I think we desperately need today. People treat sex as nonchalant. But really if you have sex with someone without commitment and trust, you are hurting yourself. Sex cannot be casual because it involves all of you. But you can't just draw the line at sex. There are so many other things that require boundaries, and I think Joshua Harris does a good job addressing that in his book. He recognizes that what worked for him might not be right for everyone else, but he does point out that lust always wants more. It may start with an innocent kiss...but eventually that will not be enough anymore (for lust). You have to set boundaries before you get into those situations. So where do you draw the line in the sand? That really is up to you and I can't answer that question, but I'd highly recommend reading the chapter in the book titled "True Love Doesn't Just Wait." And let me tell you, I don't think there's anything wrong with kissing before marriage, but Joshua does have me rethinking that a little bit after reading that chapter. He explains boundaries way better than I ever could, so I urge you to go pick up a copy of his book.

Courtship is also about community. It is so important to get to know someone as a part of a community: around their friends, family, church, and so on. It is important to ask people that you trust to keep you accountable to your boundaries. It is important to allow the people around you to have a voice in your relationship: they may see something you don't see. They really do just want what is best for you. So don't ignore your friends or family if they tell you something that you don't want to hear. That is the most important time to listen to them.

To me, I think that before entering a time of courtship, it would be ideal to already have a foundation as friends. There is certainly a place for growing a friendship inside of courtship, but I honestly can't even imagine entering a courtship without knowing the guy as a friend first.

The last thing I want to say is that this book brought some things up inside of me. I realized that I want a relationship too much. Which is bad for me and unfair to anyone that I would date or even marry. I would have unrealistic expectations for the guy which would be frustrating for him; he would never be able to measure up because I would rely on him too much. So that is something that I will definitely have to work on. I have to pursue the Lord first, and any guy can come second. Even though I know this, I need to actively work on it. The other thing is that I have trouble accepting God's forgiveness for my past mistakes; I know that I have turned away from them, but I still feel the guilt from them, so I really need to try and look at myself through the Lord's eyes instead of my own.

I really hope you'll go out and read "Boy Meets Girl Say Hello to Courtship" by Joshua Harris, it might just change your mind about how to pursue a relationship.

Happy Courting!

Sharon 

Don't Be THAT Friend

So my roommate got a boyfriend. And I know I should be happy for her.

But the truth is, I'm not. Partially because I don't like him for her and partially because I'm jealous.

But I think the thing that bothers me the most is that it seems like she's gone all the time now. The day they decided they were dating she was gone for 5 hours. She randomly left for an hour when she had gotten someone to cover for her because she needed to work on something for her at school. She's been gone for about 4 hours as I'm writing this.

I know it's exciting and fun when you first start dating someone. But it is so important to retain your friends. Things may not work out, but your friends will be there for you. Or, maybe they won't if you completely alienate them to spend time with your boyfriend all the time. You need to be careful to not invest in a guy too much even if you are married to him. You need other relationships. And, if as soon as you start dating, you're a ghost, well that's a problem.

I've been there. I've been that girl. I had basically no friends because I spent all my time with my boyfriend or waiting for my boyfriend or whatever. A lot of girls do this. But what happened when he broke up with me? I was alone. I was devastated. I had no one to help me through it. I became depressed. It happens. Believe me.

So don't become a ghost just because you got a boyfriend. Make time for your friends. Make plans to go do stuff with them. And don't spend too much time with him. Retain your old interests. And don't feel like you need to involve him in all aspects of your life. You don't have to talk to him 24/7. You don't have to see him every day. You don't have to go on a date every week. It's okay to take it slow and not get too involved too fast.

But hey, what do I know? It's your life.

I'm just a little lonely.

And I don't wanna take care of her dog.

Stick around,

Sharon 

Failure

I haven't posted in a couple of weeks because I'm struggling this semester. For the first time ever in my life, I am failing a class. It has me stressed out, confused, questioning my choices, depressed, terrified, and anxious. I've never failed a class before. NEVER.

I am a senior in college, wanting to graduate in May....FAILING a class required for my major.

A class REQUIRED to graduate.

How can this be?

I am struggling. I am being pulled under by a wave of emotions and confusion. I am overcome by a flood of thoughts.

I wish I had an easier major...

Maybe I should change my major....

Am I going to graduate....

What am I going to do...

I'm a failure...

I'm scared....

Why are these classes so hard....

What am I doing wrong....

Why can't I catch a break....

This isn't what I want to do with my life...

I'm not motivated....

It's a vicious cycle. I don't want to fail. But my lack of motivation this semester is what put me here. Then when I see a bad grade, the lack of motivation kicks in and makes me even less motivated. It's a negative feedback loop.

And frankly, nothing anyone is saying is helping.

I don't want to be told that I can do it.

I don't want to be told to go talk to the professor.

I don't want to be told that it's totally normal and everyone fails sometimes.

I don't want to be told that I have a plan should the worst happen (which it will, I've reached the point of no return, I am going to receive an F and I'm going to have to retake the class).

I want to be affirmed. Because I feel really lousy. I feel like a failure. I feel like failing defines me. I feel that I am a failure.

So if you are struggling, if you are failing at a job, a relationship, an assignment, a test, a class, or anything else, I am going to tell you what I wish someone would tell me.

Failing does not define you. Don't let failure bring you down and hurt you. Don't beat yourself up.

In the grand scheme of things, this failure DOES NOT MATTER.

You are inherently worthwhile. You are worth so much, and this struggle, this failure does not change that. You are beautiful. You are loved. You are worthy. You are intelligent. You are important.

I am proud of you.

I AM PROUD OF YOU.

Nothing will change that.

So don't let this failure define you. I am sorry that you are struggling, I am sorry that you are having a hard time, but everything will be okay. Just keep going no matter what struggles come your way.

And if you need to take a break, if you need to sit and cry and question life, I will sit with you. I will put my arm around your shoulder and sit with you silently in the pouring rain until you are ready to get up and get going again.

I don't have the answers. But I do know that the world is bigger than this. You are bigger than this.

It'll be okay,

Sharon

Feelin' 22 - Age is Really Just a Number

Today is my 22nd birthday! And I'm really, super excited about it!

Which is weird, because I've basically been freaking out about my birthday every year since the year that I turned 18.

And let me just tell you how silly that it is. Every year older is another year we are blessed with on this earth. Age isn't something to fear, it really is something to be celebrated. So please, don't worry about how old you are turning on your birthday.

Age really is just a number.

What really matters is how you feel.

And that's kind of what Taylor Swift's song, 22 is all about!

Look at Betty White. She is 92 years old, but I bet she doesn't feel that old.

And don't feel like you have to complete certain things by a certain age. I've been having a lot of trouble with this lately. I'm at the point in my life where a lot of my friends are getting engaged, planning weddings, and some of them will be getting married soon. And I don't even have a boyfriend. So yeah, I feel some pressure.

But the fact of the matter is that everything happens in it's own time. Just because I'm not dating the guy who I'll end up marrying doesn't mean that I should panic. It doesn't mean that I should put pressure on relationships. It doesn't mean that I should act super excited when a guy FINALLY asks me out. I'm just putting too much pressure on it and trying to rush it too much.

Age is just a number; things will happen when they are supposed to happen.

And yes, I am playing 22 by Taylor Swift on repeat.

xoxo

Sharon

You're Great, But....

You're great, but....

We've all heard those words. And it really sucks, because what it boils down to is a guy or girl who you really thought you had a chance with is telling you why it just won't work. And it's so hard to hear, but it's really important that we don't just shut down and not listen. Any relationship or potential relationship is a learning experience. If the other person is being honest with you, what ever follows those three words is the lesson. What you can do better in the future...or maybe not.

Let's talk about that first, the "you're great, buts" that are beyond our control.

"You're great, but your family sucks." I've basically been told that. He didn't technically say they sucked, but he said he didn't like them and he couldn't put up with them. My family is important to me. I love them. They are the second gift that God ever gave to me (the first being the gift of my salvation). They are precious to me. They aren't going away. They are part of the deal. So for me, that relationship can and will never work out. I'm not choosing a man over my family, unless he IS my family (as in my husband), but my future husband would never make me leave my family. He might ask me to physically move away from them for a job, but he would never say "Listen, it's me or them." Do you get what I'm saying here? I hope so, because I'm having trouble explaining it.

"You're great, but there's someone else." That sucks, and if you've ever been told that, I am sorry. But the thing is, he obviously wasn't committed to you and where there is no commitment, there can be no real relationship.

I'm sure there are plenty of others, but I can't think of them. But the point is, when someone gives you the "You're great, but" talk, you need to ask yourself, "Is this beyond my control?" If the answer is yes, then there's nothing for you to do. The relationship is over. Go binge watch your favorite tv show, cry to friends, eat tons of ice cream, go for a drive, call out to God. Let the healing begin.

What I really want to talk about is when you ask yourself, "Is this beyond my control?" and the answer is, "No, actually, it's not beyond my control." That's when there's a lesson to be learned.

First let me say that I am not writing this for you to think if you fix whatever it is, he will see that and you can get back together and live happily ever after. I am writing this to help you learn from your (and my) mistakes so that you cannot make the same mistakes in future, new relationships. While it is possible that you could make a change and end up getting back together with this person, it is extremely unlikely.

Just yesterday I was told: "You're great, but when it comes to relationships you seem too clingy and eager."

And you know what?

He was absolutely, 100% right. I AM too clingy. I AM too eager.

The frustrating thing for me was this is a relationship that ended before it even started. I thought there could be something good there, but because I am too clingy and because I am too eager, the relationship came to a screeching halt before it even left the station. And maybe that's for the best. I really don't know. But my point here is that for the girls out there who like me are too clingy and too eager, it turns men around. They want to chase you and they don't want you to be too interested. I know it's frustrating and difficult, but it's true. So what can we clingy/eager girls do?

Well here's what I did. I looked inward. I said to myself, where does the clinginess and the eagerness come from? I looked inside. At first I thought it came from the part of me that gets excited easily. And I do think that's true. But I think that it's a deeper problem than that. There is nothing wrong with being excited, but there is something wrong with being clingy and with being too eager. So the easily excited thing, was not the root of the problem, I had to look deeper. So I dug a little deeper and I looked at my soul and I realized that my clinginess and eagerness for relationships with guys here on earth is kind of a sin, for me at least. And when the Holy Spirit laid that on me, I got a little scared. I wanted to slam the door shut on my soul and take off running, because being clingy and too eager is something I have always struggled with so if it's a sin, how am I supposed to deal with that?

First let me explain, WHY I see clinging and being eager toward guys here on earth as a sin. To me, a sin is anything that separates me from God. I have definitely let relationships get between me and God before, and this is where that comes from. If I am clinging to a guy, if I am really eager toward a guy, then how am I supposed to maintain my relationship with God?

I can't. I am putting the guy in the way. Which is only going to set both of us up for failure. I'll have really high expectations for the guy, that he will never meet. And then I will be upset and disappointed and eventually the relationship will end.

So the clinginess and eagerness, for me at least, is a real problem. It is definitely something I have to work on.

So what can I do?

That's a bit harder. The answer is easy, but putting it into action will be difficult. The answer is this: I have to be eager for God, I have to cling to God, I have to seek God above and beyond everything else.

So I do think that God is giving me the gift of singleness right now. And it's not at all the gift that I want, but it definitely is the gift I need. I have to be able to cling to God through everything and not get distracted by something shiny (or muscle-y). I have to work toward Him in everything I do, and one day, I might find God blessing me with the gift of not-singleness (usually referred to as the gift of marriage) and then me and my guy will continue to pursue God first, before each other, before our relationship. I hope I get that gift one day, but for now I need to be happy with the gifts God has already given me.

I realize that I already have the most important relationship of my life: my relationship with God. I need to start treating it that way. Anything else is only secondary.

Seek God First,

Sharon

Don't Put The Cart Before The Horse

This will be a very short post, because I don't have a whole lot to say and this is a very straightforward issue. But I think it is an important reminder, nonetheless.

Don't put the cart before the horse. Don't count your chickens before they've hatched. Don't get too carried away with your hopes and wants. Because, when you do, sometimes you will be disappointed and then the disappointment will be much, much worse.

You see, I was very excited to go on a first date with this guy and I was letting my imagination run away with me. It was running to a galaxy far, far away. And then, as things sometimes do, the date fell through. And then I was very,very very disappointed. Even more so than if I had remained calm and not put my cart miles ahead of my horse. I know its hard not to get carried away, but try to control yourself at least a little bit. I should note that we are trying to reschedule the date, so we'll see what happens.

I'm not saying not to hope. But I would encourage you to place your hopes in God and not worldly things, because God will not disappoint you. He is faithful beyond belief. I know these things and yet I have trouble actually doing them. But we all are just works in progress.

Don't get carried away,

Sharon

Depression

In light of recent events, I felt it was the right time to write this post. I am referring to the apparent suicide of Robin Williams on August 11, 2014. I had planned to write a post on Mental Health and, more specifically, Depression during May, Mental Health Awareness Month.

Depression is an important issue to me because in the Spring of 2012, I was struggling with depression. In fact, depression seems to run in the women of my family: my grandma, mother, both of my sisters and I have struggled with depression at some point during our lives. Depression is actually common, if you are depressed, you are NOT alone. There are many who are struggling or who have struggled with depression who you can talk to. Additionally, there are many places that you can go to get help. If you are depressed, please, please, please go get help. Talk to someone.

The two things that helped me the most through my depression were my counselor and my belief in God. I started going to counseling at my school. I went and spoke with my counselor once every two weeks. She gave me "homework" and we discussed the things that were bothering me. She was a sweet lady, easy to talk to, didn't mind if I cried, and really cared about me. If you think that people don't care about you, they do. 

Depression is common among women. Depression is common among freshmen and sophomores in college. This is because college students are under a lot of stress and they are experiencing an extreme change. The good thing about college is that most have free counseling centers for students. My school does. There is nothing wrong with going to counseling. Talking to someone is very important. Please get help. 

It is difficult for me to explain exactly how my faith helped me, except that it was very much like the "Footprints in the Sand" poem. I believe that the Lord was carrying me and holding my hand the whole way through my depression. There were days where I wanted to drop out of school and run away. I just wanted to give up. But I never did and I can't really explain why. I believe that God kept me going.

If you were depressed, and you have overcome it, please share your story with others. It helps to know that other people have been there. You can help to encourage other people. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Use your experience to help others. I shared with my sorority that I had been depressed and that I had gone to get help, when I shared this other girls shared that they had struggled in similar ways. One girl prayed for me thanking God that I had come out of "that black hole" and asking Him to help me to not be depressed again. Other girls told me that I could come to them if I ever started to feel that way again. And one girl hugged me for sharing. The reaction to me sharing that I had been depressed and that I had gone to counseling was completely positive and encouraging. Share your story with others, you never know who you might help.

If you are reading this and you are depressed and you feel that you have no one to reach out to: Please reach out to me. I care about you and I want to help you. I started this blog to help YOU in any way I can.

As for Robin Williams, his death is tragic and will be felt for years to come. He has made me laugh all my life and imagining the man who voiced and ad-libbed Genie not being in the world makes me very sad. To me, Robin Williams always seemed like a wonderful, happy man, but sometimes it is easy to hide things under the surface. I dedicate this post to Robin Williams, a man who made the world laugh. I never met him, but I will never forget him. We love you, Robin.

You Are Loved,

Sharon

Volunteering, Internships, and Jobs

One of the biggest things that I can tell you is that experience is in high demand and hard to get. One of the best things you can do to prepare yourself for life after college is to find an internship each summer. Each internship will provide different experiences and insight into different careers; they will open different opportunities for you. You will meet new people and learn so much about yourself and about the career you may go into one day.

But internships can be extremely competitive. How do you even get your foot in the door in the first place? Internships will often look at grades, but having good grades will not set you apart on paper. It is a good idea to volunteer in a similar capacity to an internship or job that you might want. For example, if you want an animal care internship at a zoo, it might be a good idea to first get some experience by volunteering at a local Wildlife Rescue.

A lot of students need jobs while in college. Since it is important to focus on school (like I said before, that's why you're in college in the first place), getting an on-campus job is often the best thing you can do for yourself. On campus jobs are typically more understanding that you are a student first and an employee second. They are usually more flexible with your work schedule, often building it around your class schedule. Not all campus jobs are created equally, I have a friend who worked in a campus job where she was not allowed to study even if she had finished all of her assigned tasks. Some campus jobs are okay with students studying if they've gotten all of their work done or are waiting for a customer to show up. Plus if you work on campus, you won't have to commute to your job - you'll already be there. Finally, some schools have limitations on how many hours a student can work during the week and that is a very good thing. For instance, at Texas State student employees are NOT allowed to work more than 25 hours each week.

If you can't find an internship during the summer, try to find some sort of job. You never know what kind of opportunities will be available to you just because you had a summer job. I worked over a year in a customer service centered workplace, and currently I am at an internship at a state park. I believe that one of the things that helped me to get the internship was my customer service experience because, in state parks, you have to know how to work with people, no matter what you are doing. Customer service is applicable to almost all careers. I have loved my internship and I am sad that it is going to be over soon. I have gained so much experience, had tons of cool opportunities, worked in a variety of capacities, and met many interesting people. My internship has opened my eyes to things that I never even considered would be a part of working for state parks. I have done so much this summer that I would never have done had I not gotten this internship.

Plus, internships are offered in almost any place and in pretty much in any field. I think I really needed a change of scenery and I was able to get it this summer through my internship. I am used to living in the humid, mostly flat but somewhat hilly (when you get into the hill country) part of central Texas. But this summer, I have spent my time in the mountains. You can see all sorts of stars out here. It gets cold at night. I'm approximately a mile up. The wildlife and the landscape was completely different and I think the change of scenery has been extremely restorative for me. Sometimes, you just need to get away and an internship can be a great way to do it!

Do yourself a favor, get an internship every summer that you can. You won't regret it.

Apartment Agreement

Have you ever watched the tv show, The Big Bang Theory? Do you know that Sheldon made Leonard sign “The Roommate Agreement?” Let’s look at some of the aspects of that contract:

·         If Sheldon becomes a zombie, Leonard cannot shoot him.

·         The Skynet Clause states the Leonard must help Sheldon destroy an Artificial Intelligence that Sheldon created that is taking over the earth.

·         Removal or addition of furniture must be approved by Sheldon

·         Sheldon must ask Leonard how he is once each day

·         The thermostat must always be set to 72 degrees

·         Roommates must give 12 hours notification if they want to have a guest

·         All ties will be broken by Sheldon

·         And many, many other items (seriously, this is a great show and you should watch it!)

Now with those delightful tid-bits in mind, what I’m about to say might sound ridiculous, but I suggested to my roommate that before we even moved into our apartment, we should come up with a roommate agreement. Now you may think I’m a crazy, tightly wound, control freak (like Sheldon), but the idea is a good one (and if you do a little google search, you’ll find it’s actually fairly common). And I think I know why, if you lay out reasonable expectations for a new roommate prior to actually living together, you are bound to avoid some disagreements and misunderstandings. Furthermore, it is not a unilateral decision, it is an open dialogue between two (or more) roommates, and usually a lack of communication causes failure of all types of relationships. If communication is open from the beginning, and expectations are understood, there will probably be far fewer problems in the future.

Here’s how creating the roommate agreement worked for us:

1.       I suggested we create a roommate agreement.

2.       She agreed.

3.       She emailed me a list of ideas for the roommate agreement.

4.       I looked over her list and got a little nervous about some of the things on it.

5.       I considered how I could change the things that bothered me, for example:

a.       She said: If one of us wants to have friends or family over, we have to ask the other roommate first.

b.      I didn’t like the idea of having to ask every time I wanted to have someone over so I countered with: We have “visiting hours” from 8AM – 10PM; if we will have someone over outside of those hours or overnight, we have to inform the other roommate.

6.       Then I added a few other things and sent the list back to her.

7.       She said she thought it looked good.

8.       Once we are both moved into the apartment, we will look it over again, do any final tweaking, print it out (possibly on pretty paper), and post it (probably on the fridge).

Things we are including in our roommate agreement:

·         How bills and rent are split

·         Visitors

·         Cleaning

·         “Open/Closed Door Policy: If the door is closed to their room, expect that the roommate is studying or needs privacy”

·         Be respectful- basically try not to disturb the other roommate if they are studying

·         Use of Roommate’s Things – basically don’t without asking

·         Groceries

·         Pets

·         Apartment temperature

·         Minimize electric and water use

·         Flexibility clause – it’s a “living document,” like the constitution!

·         Argument clause aka what to do in case of an argument

·         Keep the front door locked

·         Monthly check-ins (got this idea from another blog – Click here for the blog post where Lauren Conrad mentions this idea!

Admittedly, our Roommate Agreement is a little long (its 4 pages doubke spaced), and it’s still a work in progress, but I do think it’s a good idea. Hopefully, it will help keep me accountable with doing my part to keep the common areas of the apartment clean (I can be a bit disorganized). And hopefully, it will help to keep us happy and friendly with each other (we are friends after all). I think this is a good idea for anyone who is living together, whether in an apartment or a dorm. I’ll let you know how it goes!

I’m not sure what to say here,

Sharon

Advice to College Freshmen from a Senior

So since its August, I’m gonna start with a post for all those nervous freshmen out there.

I remember my freshman year of college, even though I liked school and was commuting from home, I was really scared because I’m shy and I didn’t know anyone who I would be going to school with (admittedly, living at home probably only made this worse – living in the dorms is a blessing because it throws you in the middle of campus and basically forces you to make friends). Anyway, the guy I was dating at the time let me wear his cross necklace the first weeks or so of school to help me feel secure. He reasoned that it would be like he was with me. It helped me adjust, and even though I didn’t make many friends that first year, I felt comfortable at college.

That brief story leads into my first bit of advice:

1. If you’re really nervous about school, wear some of your most favorite, comfortable clothes the first few days, it’ll help you to feel, well, comfortable.

2. Find your classes before the first day of class. Don't be afraid to ask other people for directions to wherever you are going, most people are more than happy to help!

3. Go to class (do not skip - only miss if you seriously must), sit toward the front of the class (whether it’s a huge lecture or a tiny lab), take notes, study, and actually read the book. I know you want to have fun and you feel all free and independent, but the ultimate reason you are in college is to learn something. So please follow this piece of advice.

4. Be respectful. Of your professors, guest lecturers, your peers.

5. Get involved. Get involved. Get involved. Get involved in at least one thing, this will help you to meet people and make friends. If you are invited to the Honors Society for whatever you are studying, join it! It helps to beef up the ol’ resume, plus it will be a good place to learn about opportunities related to your major. If you believe a certain religion, get plugged into that group on campus, trust me, it’ll be good for you. I waited til my junior year of college to get involved with anything, and that was a big mistake! So try out some different student organizations and find one or more place that feels right for you and stick it out through the rest of your college career. Personally, I am (now) involved with Tri-Beta Biological Honors Society, Chi Alpha (a Christian Fellowship), the Wildlife Society, and Sigma Phi Lambda (a Christian sorority).

5a. Don’t just go around joining stuff, actually participate in the various events/volunteering/etc. that your organization(s) do throughout the year.

6. If you are having trouble in class: go to your professor’s office hours and ask for help (throughout the semester), take advantage of on-campus tutoring, go to Supplemental Instruction if it is available, ask a friend who is doing well in the class for help.

7. Go to some of the free, fun events for students, even if you have to go by yourself, just try it!

8. Know when to say no. If someone invites you out late the night before a test, say no. If someone tries to get you to do something you aren’t comfortable with, say no. If you already have way too much on your plate and someone asks you to do something for them, say no.

9. Don’t pull all-nighters, they won’t help you on the test, instead study all semester, make practice tests, go over your notes, and get a good night’s sleep before a test.

10. Remember to call your mom. She misses you and she will be sooo happy to hear from you.

I know you’ve probably heard some or all of that advice before, but I really believe it will help! If you need any specific advice, feel free to ask in the comments! I’ll help if I can.

Wishing you the best this year,

Sharon

Hello There!

Hello there! I see you’ve stumbled onto my blog! Please stay awhile and come back often.

First, allow me to introduce myself: my name is Sharon and I am a senior in college (AHHHHHH!!!!). I am studying Wildlife Biology at Texas State University. Don’t ask me what I want to do after I graduate, because I don’t know. I am 21, going on 22 and I know that my life is relatively short compared to many people, but I still think I have ideas/thoughts/etc. worth sharing (I know, I know, who doesn’t?). But please, give me a chance and if, after a few blog posts, what I have to say doesn’t interest you, you may go elsewhere.

Now I thought I’d let you in on my ideas for this blog:

• ·         Adventures in cooking – I love to cook and, especially, bake so I thought I’d compile a list of things I’d like to learn to make and tackle that overtime and share it here.
• ·         Adventures in apartment dwelling – Toward the middle/end of this August, I will be moving into my second ever apartment so I plan to share how I decorate it from room to room and out onto the balcony, plus other advice and things you need to know/do when living in an apartment.
• ·         Adventures in having a roommate – I lived in my first apartment alone (it was great!) but financially and socially (although I am an introvert) it seemed like a good idea to live with a roommate, so I plan to share what my roommate and I have done to prepare for a smooth living environment and how it works out. I am the youngest of four, but young adults living together is different than siblings living with parents. This is my first roommate, although she’s had a few before. This will also affect the prior category.
• ·         Adventures in college – this will probably mostly be advice based on my experiences and the experiences of those around me. My college experience probably wouldn’t be what others call “exciting.” But I LOOOOOVE talking to people about college, so hopefully that will come through here.
• ·         And just life in general. Which all of the above is really, but I’m using this as a catchall term for anything I might have forgotten.
• ·         Finally, I attempt to participate in NaPoWriMo offline every April (I usually get behind toward the middle of the month), and this coming April, I will attempt to participate online! Maybe having to post my poems online will keep me accountable and I’ll actually finish the whole month! Or not, but we’ll give it a go!

Well that’s it for my first blog post. I hope I did alright. Please provide feedback throughout my posts. I hope we’ll get to know each other. And on that note, if there is ever anyone who needs advice, or if there is anything I can do to make my blog more interesting to you, or if you are curious about anything about me, please, comment (now or in the future)! It might help me to write a blog post. If you don’t, I’ll try to write anyway, so you might as well help me cater my blog to you. To get the ball rolling, comment with suggestions on what my next blog should be!

Signing off,

Sharon