NaPoWriMo - Day 3

I had a long day today so this post is actually coming to you at about 1AM my time on Day 4. I was trying to go to sleep, but I felt like I was forgetting something. Then suddenly it came to me: MY POEM. So I am putting off sleep in favor of not falling off the poetry bandwagon (at least not this early anyway).

Day 3's prompt is to write an elegy that focuses on an unusual fact about the subject of the elegy. At first I thought I might do school (I'm nearing graduation with my masters and I don't plan to return to school after that), but there wasn't anything odd about school. Then I thought I might write a poem around my English teacher, Mr. Fleming (a local legend) who was a great storyteller and always said "dang fried chicken," but despite that I miss him and his english class, he isn't deceased (thank goodness!). Sadly there are many pets that I could write an elegy, but that is not quite right. Interesting side note: apparently O Captain! My Captain is an elegy for Pres. Lincoln, I didn't realize it was an elegy at all, but then I only knew it from that scene in Dead Poet's Society (Robin Williams would be a good subject for an elegy), but I digress.

In December, just before Christmas break, my great aunt Vivian died. I learned that she was dying only days before it happened and I was unable to see her before it did. I held it together thinking that I could say goodbye at her funeral, but sadly, I wasn't able to go to her funeral either. I haven't been to visit her grave. I haven't gotten any closure at all. So tonight, I'm going to write an elegy for Vivian.

Elegy for Great Aunt Vivian

Not by blood were we related
But still my heart rips in two at the loss of you.
Dear sweet lady, almost a century old
How I wish just once more
In my hand, some skip-bo cards to hold.
I remember it like it was yesterday,
Sitting at the round table
The light hanging low overhead.
You would scold us when we didn't play wisely
Because even Skip-bo can have strategy.
I remember the bronzed baby shoes
On a shelf in your trailer
The tree out front
The time I tried chocolate covered orange peel
I didn't like it.
I remember most vividly
Sitting at that table, playing skip-bo
Even though you had to re-teach us
Almost every time we visited.
I wondered sometimes if it bored you
Would you rather be playing bridge?
You kept your independence.
You were vivacious,
Graceful, strong.
Kind, loving,
As long as you lived.
The matriarch of your family.
Even when your kidneys were failing
You were strong, beautiful, kind.
We aspire to be like you.
Sharp as a tack, witty, kind.
You had a skype and a facebook.
You didn't let technology leave you behind.
I remember when we visited you
You always invited my sisters and I
To return. To stay with you for a few days.
I wonder what we would have learned.
Great Aunt Vivian
I miss you so.
I yearn to go back to Kerrville,
To Tumbleweed Drive
To knock on your door
And find you inside
To play one last game of Skip-bo.
I wish you were still alive.

Thoughts on Death

Today, a cat my family had for most of my life (around 15-17 years) died.

A few weeks ago, a friend's fiancee was killed in an accident involving a drunk driver.

Numerous police officers have been killed.

Since April, two of my very own pets (ducks) were killed by a raccoon. A bird my sister rescued died during the summer.

Lots of people die every day.

So death has been on my mind a lot.

I don't deal with death well.

I don't like it.

I want to live in a world where people and animals don't have to die.

Death robs us of the people and animals we love the most. Those who we feel we cannot live without. Those who we never imagined living without. It breaks our heart and our soul. It rocks our world.

And yet, we look around and see that even though our world is crumbling around us, no one else seems to realize that our world has changed forever. They just go about their lives as though everything is exactly the same. But it isn't.

And perhaps, that is the most heartbreaking part of death, or any loss. No one else is affected. No one else seems to notice just how much the world has changed. We feel isolated. No one else seems to understand.

We have a hole in our hearts that will not heal with time. Our lives, our worlds are changed forever in ways that others simply don't understand. We continue to live. Even with this ache in our hearts that may dull with time, but will never completely heal. We will carry their memory with us, we will continue to love them. We will miss them terribly until we one day are reunited.

Some of you may think that I am overreacting to the death of a pet. But really this is something that has been building up inside me over time.

But I am also heartbroken over the death of this cat. I could try to explain how special she was but you just couldn't understand that she truly was (and is) as dear to me as a best friend is to you.

And if you are grieving over a loss, whether recent or in the past, know that you are not alone. While the world may not feel the particular ache that you feel, and may not miss whoever you miss, we all have a hole in our hearts and a longing for someone who we can only guess when we will see them again.

We love you, Oreo.
We love all those who have left us.

Peace,

Sharon