NaPoWriMo 2018 - Day 6

April 6th

Today's prompt is to "stretch your comfort zone with line breaks." Apparently this could mean very long lines or very short lines, or a mix of both. I think I tend to dabble in mid-length. It makes me antsy when a line is much longer or much shorter than the others. So I guess a mix of both it is.

I am a night owl and it is just after midnight that I'm working on this and I'm struggling to figure out what to write about. I have a tendency to not write until very late resulting in poems published late, unless I stay up and work on them when the next day's poetry prompt goes live, but I don't know what to write about. Contrary to the thought that just popped in my head, I am NOT going to write about that.



I once had a dream
that you
died.

I said it couldn't be true
It couldn't be right.

But others insisted.

So I put on blackandwenttothefuneralandsat in the back
full of fear
That your family would sneer
And snarl "What are you doing here?"

And there, in front of the church
In an open coffin
You lay
All pale.

My heart pounded
pounded
pounded
in my chest
and my ears.

This isn't right.
I said.



I awoke in a sweat, my heart racing, my mind in a haze of confusion: was it true?
Had I lost you?

You
called
Early
in the morning.

"I'm glad you called," I said, "I dreamed you were dead."
You seemed completely unphased
You joked.

Joked.

"That's right, I'm calling from the grave."

I must have objected.

You
Asked how it'd happened
"Something about a car and a bridge."
You made a joke

Again.

"Well that couldn't be true,
I don't drive cars."

You told me I needed to change something I was doing
That was giving me weird dreams.

Then you changed the subject.

But it still nags at me.

If something happened to you
Would I know?
Would I be
told?

And really, I guess
it boils
down
to
this:

Does anyone

anyone

in your world
know we are
a
"we?"

Losing you is perhaps
my greatest fear

But the thought haunts me

haunts

me

Would I even know
if
you

disappeared?

So yeah, that was interesting,

Sharon

Thoughts on Death

Today, a cat my family had for most of my life (around 15-17 years) died.

A few weeks ago, a friend's fiancee was killed in an accident involving a drunk driver.

Numerous police officers have been killed.

Since April, two of my very own pets (ducks) were killed by a raccoon. A bird my sister rescued died during the summer.

Lots of people die every day.

So death has been on my mind a lot.

I don't deal with death well.

I don't like it.

I want to live in a world where people and animals don't have to die.

Death robs us of the people and animals we love the most. Those who we feel we cannot live without. Those who we never imagined living without. It breaks our heart and our soul. It rocks our world.

And yet, we look around and see that even though our world is crumbling around us, no one else seems to realize that our world has changed forever. They just go about their lives as though everything is exactly the same. But it isn't.

And perhaps, that is the most heartbreaking part of death, or any loss. No one else is affected. No one else seems to notice just how much the world has changed. We feel isolated. No one else seems to understand.

We have a hole in our hearts that will not heal with time. Our lives, our worlds are changed forever in ways that others simply don't understand. We continue to live. Even with this ache in our hearts that may dull with time, but will never completely heal. We will carry their memory with us, we will continue to love them. We will miss them terribly until we one day are reunited.

Some of you may think that I am overreacting to the death of a pet. But really this is something that has been building up inside me over time.

But I am also heartbroken over the death of this cat. I could try to explain how special she was but you just couldn't understand that she truly was (and is) as dear to me as a best friend is to you.

And if you are grieving over a loss, whether recent or in the past, know that you are not alone. While the world may not feel the particular ache that you feel, and may not miss whoever you miss, we all have a hole in our hearts and a longing for someone who we can only guess when we will see them again.

We love you, Oreo.
We love all those who have left us.

Peace,

Sharon