Closet Christianity

Recently, there was a post on BuzzFeed where the author (an educated, straight, female) said that she felt that admitting that she was a Christian was like coming out of the closet, but she felt as though being a homosexual is more widely accepted than being a Christian.

In the comments that followed the post, people said all sorts of mean things. Someone called her homophobic, lots of people said she was entitled, not a minority, and had no idea what she was talking about.

Now, I don't know what it's like to be gay and to be afraid to let the people around you and the world in general know that you are gay. BUT I do know what it is like to be a Christian in the field of science.

There are scientists who are Christian. The two are NOT mutually exclusive. But throughout my education, I have been extremely aware of people who think that Christians are idiots.

I have been afraid of admitting to peers and professors that I am Christian because I am afraid that they will think that I am stupid (my intelligence is very important to me), I am afraid that I will be rejected, I am afraid that it will hurt relationships.

I don't actively try to hide the fact that I am a Christian, but I don't try to reveal it either.

I recently began my Master's of Science in Marine Biology at Texas A&M at Galveston. It is a science and engineering focused school. There are few religious organizations on campus. I don't know if I am actually in the minority on campus, but it feels like I am.

It stings when you are at work and you hear someone say, "Don't you just hate it when someone posts something religious on facebook? Doesn't that make you uncomfortable?" As though you aren't allowed to post your opinions or religious affiliation on social media. Or that it is socially forbidden. That it is taboo.

The United States of America was founded on religious freedom. It is in the 1st Amendment of the Bill of Rights. That shows just how important it is. But we have moved away from freedom of religion to freedom from religion.

Religious people are often looked down on. Christians are often looked down on.

I don't what to be thought less of for being a Christian anymore than a gay person wants to be thought less of for being gay. We are all people, regardless of our religious affiliation, sexual orientation, race, nationality, gender, sex, hair color... and we deserve to be treated as such.

Know one should have to hide who they are for fear of being mocked, rejected, ostracized, belittled, or hurt.

You don't have to like me, but would you mind at least trying to get to know me before you make that decision?

That's my two cents.

-Sharon

Introvert Seeking Christian Community in Grad School

Let me begin by defining a few terms for you.

Introvert (this one, I probably should have defined in one of my first posts) -

According to dictionary.com, an introvert is "1. a shy person." or in psychology "a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings (opposed to extrovert)."

That is almost how I would describe myself. My definition of introvert is slightly different. To me, an introvert is a quiet person who spends a lot of time within themselves. They may or may not like people, but they tend to shy away from contact with new people. In fact, contact with new people tends to make them uncomfortable. But, when around people they know well, they come out of their shells and may be quite animated. Generally, introverts do better with one-on-one or small group interactions. They may seem socially awkward at times. But, even introverts need support systems and communities. Sometimes, they may long for interaction with other people.

Christian Community -

You may come across a multitude of different definitions of this phrase if you google it. To me Christian community is a group of people whom you "do life with." These are people you meet with regularly, people you study the word with, pray with and for, ask to pray for you, share your struggles, and burdens with. Christian community is about sharing your life with others. It is having a support group who help you through struggles, root for you, build you up, and you do the same for them. You learn from each other and worship together.



Now it is only within the last few years that I have learned about Christian community. I grew up in the Church, but I didn't understand how you could be vulnerable with other people and be safe. I didn't understand the value of Christian community until the last two years. I started to want it when I was in college, but I ignored the desire my freshman and sophomore years. All at the same time, I started to see the value in Christian community. My parents started going to a very small church that was very welcoming and my junior year of college I joined Phi Lamb and Chi Alpha at Texas State. I don't know why, but things that had never clicked before started clicking with me within these groups. I had had church friends and I had talked about God with my friends and my parents, but something was changing within me.

Now, I miss that very much.

I miss having a Christian community to go to every week. I miss having people pray for me, I miss having people to worship with. I miss learning about the personal lives of the people in my Christian community. I miss seeing God work within my Christian communities.

I am still somewhat connected with those communities and I can (and do) go to them for support and prayer when I need it. I know that my Big is only a text away and that my sisters and friends are willing to pray if I only go and ask on the facebook page.

But I don't have a community to go be a part of each week.

Seeking a community is a struggle for me. I've been going to church on Sundays, but I haven't been interacting with a Christian community here in this new town, on this new campus. Seeking out a community is scary for me. I hate entering situations where I know no one. And thus far into the semester, it has prevented me from seeking out a community on campus. I have made a few friends, but I can feel that familiar desire, that desire to be actively connected with a body of believers where I am.

I am going to have to seek it out, even if it scares me. I'll probably text some of my new friends to see if they are connected with a group here so that I can tag along with them. And if they aren't, I can invite them to seek out a group with me. Having one person I know will make it that much less scary.

Usually graduate students don't get involved with organizations on their campus. They don't get into the spirit of the school. I'm not sure why, but that seems to be the case. But, I feel a pull; I need to be a part of a Christian community here.

I worry that my options are limited. TAMUG is first and foremost a science and engineering school. And, generally, scientists and engineers aren't known for being Christians, though some are. I know there is a YoungLife group on campus, so I may check that out. If it doesn't seem like the right fit for me, I know some local churches have college groups, and if I feel so led, I could even start a new group on campus.

That's where I am right now. I am an introverted graduate student, cautiously and nervously seeking Christian community. Hopefully, I find the place I need to be.

Love,

Sharon

Money, Money, Money: It's a Rich Man's World

Let me first apologize for not posting for about a month. I have been busy getting into the swing of grad school, a new job, things related to my sister's wedding, and have barely had any time to even think about posting a blog. I'm trying, I really am, but maybe there's no point in posting something when you don't have anything to say.

Right now I actually do have something to say. Let me warn you that this is a long post, but I hope that you'll stick it out til the end.

A few nights ago, I went to the grocery store and spent $115 which is A) the most I've ever spent at the grocery store B) more than I make in a week and C) about 20% of my rent. I pretended it was no big deal externally, while having a minor conniption internally, but I somehow calmed myself down. I exited the store, found my car, and loaded up my groceries. As I was putting the last few bags in my car I heard a quiet voice say, "Excuse me, ma'am?" I turned toward the man, "Could you help me buy a McDonald's sandwich?" I turned to my purse and dug around for my wallet; when I found it and was looking to see what I had, he was saying, "I've already got a little bit, if you could just give me like $0.27?" I handed him a $5. "God bless you." He said, I murmured something and he got onto his bike and rode away. He was missing teeth and looked a little bit dirty, but really not too bad.

On the drive home, I reflected on what I had done. Had I done the right thing? Was he really going to buy food? After awhile, I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter what he did with the money. I hoped he would use it for food, but I had done my part and could only hope for the best for this man who had approached me in the Randall's parking lot.

Back at my apartment, I plugged my phone in and set it on the arm of the couch while I cooked my supper. It slid off the arm and hit the floor. When I finally went over to it, I discovered the screen had shattered, though it still worked. I was frustrated and mentally began comparing myself to Job.

You know Job don't you? Job is the man in the Bible who is the subject of the devil's experiment. According to the story, God allows the devil to take everything away from Job. The devil thinks that Job will turn against God. God knows that Job won't. Jobs children and wife die, his home is destroyed, and I don't remember what else he loses, but its pretty bad.

And I had the audacity to compare myself to Job?

I wasn't mad at God. But I was a little frustrated. I had just given money to a man to help him buy dinner even though I am in debt and had just spent a ridiculous sum at the grocery store. Why were all of these bad things happening to me?

God doesn't work that way, though. The world doesn't work that way. Karma is not a thing. It seems like if you do good things, good things should happen to you, but that isn't true. In the New Testament, in the story of the rich young ruler (Mark 10:17-31), the apostles are concerned because they have given up everything to follow Jesus. They ask him if they will be rewarded and he tells them on earth: maybe; in heaven: definitely (Mark 10: 28-31). We have to remember that, as Christians, our reward is not of this earth, it is in heaven.

But that isn't my point.

The next afternoon I went to AT&T to get a new cell phone, thinking that I would be able to just get a free upgrade since I had had that phone for like four years. But AT&T basically doesn't do that anymore. Would nothing go my way? So after a long phone call with my dad, I got the least expensive phone available with AT&T Next (which I really did not want to sign up for, but I did because supposedly it was the most cost effective option). A low amount would be added to my family's monthly bill and I paid the tax in store. I was honestly worried that my card would be declined for the tax because of my expensive groceries the night before.

That night, I had insomnia, as I often do. That particular night, I couldn't sleep because I was thinking of all of my financial burdens: rent, food, loans, interest on said loans, gas. And I was incredibly stressed. I began a mental downward spiral. I second guessed my decision to get a new cell phone. I second guessed my decision to take out loans to come to grad school. I worried that I would graduate with my Master's degree and not be able to find a job to pay off my loans. What if I could never pay off my loans?

All of our lives we are taught that money is power. Even if it is never said explicitly. We hear phrases like "money talks," we see that candidates with the most money in their campaigns often win elections. We need money for our basic needs: food, shelter, clothing. If you don't have money, you are powerless, you are weak. You are the man asking a 23 year old for money to buy a burger from McDonald's. That is what our society says, anyway. We value the glitz and glamour of people with lots of money. We envy them; we think that if we can just have as much money as them, we will be happy.

We look down on people who are poor. We judge them. We assume that they are lazy and if they would just go get a job they would be fine. We resent them. We HATE them.

We HATE them.

Why?

Because they have no money.

So they must be lazy. They must be useless. They must be self-entitled.

So we snub them. Because they are less fortunate than we are.

I know people who call themselves Christ followers and yet they HATE these people.

Why? Because we believe that worth comes from money.

And that's why I was stressing out and spiraling downward. If I was under a load of loans, if I end up with no money, I thought that that would mean that I was powerless, weak, stupid, useless, worthless.

It isn't true.

That man in the Randall's parking lot is loved by God just as much as I am. He may not have enough money to buy a burger at McDonald's, but God rejoices over that man daily. God kisses his forehead. God holds him in the palm of his hand. God says to him, "You are my beloved. You are my creation. You are precious to me."

So I think this is what God had been training me for. This scary situation where I was getting into debt to pursue the passions that he instilled within me. When I doubt myself, it is because I am not relying on him. I am not trusting him to be faithful to me as he always has been.

He has been specifically faithful to me with finances within the last several months. He has been preparing me for the anxieties that he knew I would encounter. He has been preparing me for the self-doubt. He has been training me to believe that even though I don't have the money right now, he will provide it. He will provide a job, or a stipend, or a scholarship to pay off my loans or to keep me from taking out more loans. I don't know how, I don't know when, but I do know that my God is faithful and he will provide.

Blessings Until Next Time,

Sharon

An Easter Aubade and Another Aubade

I am really enjoying writing a poem every day (so far). I am having a lot of fun and people actually like my stuff, so that's encouraging. Today's prompt really seemed like it had a lot of potential so I decided to write two more aubades! These aren't officially for NaPoWriMo, but I just can't help myself.




Easter Aubade

They got up early that Sunday morning
To do a most solemn thing
They went to the tomb
To find the body of their friend - and king.
It was a happy morning,
The sun gently caressing the earth,
The air cool and misty,
The birds singing.
And to them, it seemed so wrong that the world was happy
For their friend had died - been crucifed - and they had cried.
But when they got their, they were confused
His body was removed!
If this were a joke, they weren't amused.
But someone from the garden spoke
And those silly girls didn't recognize him
They thought he was the gardener
And asked where his body was
He answered with their names.

Just as he does today,
He calls each of us by name.
We have been washed in his blood
Made pure and new.
He suffered and died
So that we might be able to live at his side.
Because he conquered the grave,
So shall we.

He is the reason that I sing,
I go to the empty tomb this morning, rejoicing
For his life - and mine.
His death and resurrection has saved me.






Just Another Aubade

(This one goes with the traditional lovers parting ways in the morning but with a (hopefully) surprising and funny twist!)

The morning has come and so I must leave you
I spend the whole hour quoting Juliette:
"Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good morning til it be morrow."
You bid me stay as I begin to rise
I collapse, neither of us wanting to compromise
Our repose is too sweet to end
But the morning brings duties and friends
I must go to class
You must stay here
And during the day, unfortunately, I will not be near
You warm me up and softly suggest
That I stay and get some more rest
I am tired and the offer is tempting
I close my eyes and snuggle in.
But a thought rattles in my brain
That I have work to do
And simply cannot stay
I sit up
You coax me to lay back down
I lean back apologizing, because I know
That alas, I finally must go
Away from you:
      my sweet,
           my beloved,
                      my bed!



I couldn't help myself, the creative juices were really flowing today!

Best Wishes,

Sharon

NaPoWriMo - Day 3

AHHH!!! I almost forgot to write a poem today..it's been a busy day. This one will likely be short. The prompt was to write a fourteener. Check out napowrimo.net for the full info.


He bore the cross all the way to Calvary's bloody hill
And there they nailed him up and mocked his name
And though they laughed, he did not hate them
He held each of us within his heart
For us he cried, "Father forgive them!"
And for us he breathed his last and died.


I used the fact that today is Good Friday as inspiration for my poem. Writing a poem with 14-syllable lines is difficult - it would have been even more difficult if I had used seven iambic feet! But I just ignored the iambs. Admittedly, this poem feels a bit short, but I was in a rush to get this up before midnight!

Sleep well!

Sharon

The Passover and the Lord's Supper

I recently had the great pleasure of attending a presentation of "Messiah in Passover" by a missionary from Chosen People Ministries.

It was a great presentation and it made me realize just how important the Passover should be to Christians.

We know that Jesus was celebrating the Passover when he gave us the tradition of the Lord's Supper.

But what I had never realized was that the Lord's Supper comes directly from the Passover Seder.

Early in the Seder, the middle piece of matzah is removed and broken. One half, called the afikoman, is hidden for later use.

After the meal has been eaten, the afikoman is found and eaten with the third cup of wine, the cup of Redemption, which represented the lambs' blood which directed the angel of death to "pass over" the Jews' homes in Egypt and spare their children from the last plague, but Jesus changed the meaning of this cup saying that it now represents HIS blood, the blood of the Lamb of God.

Luke 22:19-20: And when he had taken some bread and given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them saying, "This is my body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of me." And in the same way, he took the cup after they had eaten, saying, "This cup which is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood."

It is so symbolic. I don't know how we Christians have been missing it all for so long. I mean, the afikoman is broken, hidden, and then returned. Jesus was broken, buried, and raised. The Christian symbolism of the Passover Seder is amazing. I really feel that Christians should observe the Passover, after all, Jesus himself did.

There is so much more symbolism in this meal, if you have an opportunity to hear "Messiah in Passover" by someone from Chosen People Ministries, I really hope you will go listen.

Chosen People Ministries seeks to teach Jews about the Messiah, for more on them visit their website. They definitely deserve support!

Obviously there is way more to the Passover Seder, I just wanted to highlight the portion that Jesus made into the Last Supper. If you would like to learn more about the Passover Seder, here is a brief overview.

Blessings,

Sharon

Struggling with the Call

Obviously the Lord calls to all people. He calls us to follow him, to believe in him, to worship him.

And he gives us talents which help to determine our careers.

But there is another call from the Lord.

Jesus specifically called 12 disciples to follow him, live with him, learn from him, and ultimately to go out and teach his teachings and heal more people.

Then he sent out 70 (or 72, depending where you are reading) others to teach and to heal as well.

But I doubt that was all of his followers, we do know that he attracted quite the following while he was here on earth. So what happened to his other followers after Christ left the scene? I imagine they were part of the membership of the early churches, but that doesn't mean that they all traveled, taught, and healed.

We are all chosen by God and we all have a place in His kingdom.

But we are called to different things.

Some are called to ministry.

And that is what I'm struggling with.

I think I might be called to ministry or mission work or something along those lines.

But when I try to talk to people about it, they tell me that I don't have to go into 'the' ministry. They say that I can get a job in whatever I want and then serve the community and, sure, this is true, many people do this and they are doing the Lord's work, but I'm not sure that's what the Lord wants from me.

I think he wants more than that (from me).
I mean Jesus himself set the standard pretty high for his followers:

As they were going along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man has nowhere to lay his head.” To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” But he said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” Luke 9:57-62

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes - even their own life - such a person cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26

I mean that's pretty clear isn't it? Jesus wants our WHOLE life. He wants us to answer the call without hesitation. He wants to come before everything else and he wants us to be willing to give it ALL up for and to him. (Note: I don't think he literally means you should hate your family, I think he meant you should be willing to give up everything to follow him, and that is a pretty big order to fill).

But I do feel a hesitation and when I speak to someone about it, I hope they will affirm me and say that maybe he is calling me to the ministry. But they seem against it. They seem to think I would be throwing my life away if I went into the ministry or if I decided to go to seminary.

But how could I be throwing my life away if I'm trying to do the Lord's work?

I know that my hesitation isn't good. I feel torn. I want to get a job in biology, but simultaneously I want to go into the ministry or missions. I wonder what Jesus would say to me?

I believe my hesitation and my divided feelings are due to my human and spiritual natures being in disagreement. It is my hope that I can find the equilibrium where I am answering the Lord's call and hopefully doing something biology related. Only time will tell.

Some people think that if you are called, it will be easy, but nowhere in the Bible does it assure us of an easy life. In fact, Christians are assured of a hard life. Jesus himself says, "If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also." (John 15:20). And we know that Jesus was mocked and crucified so that is a rough life. So why do people think that Christianity assures us a rich, easy, happy life? It DOESN'T! Our reward is in heaven, not on earth.

And if just being a Christian is difficult, why would answering the call to the ministry be easy?


If you are struggling with anything in your life, I want to take a moment to reassure and reaffirm you. There is nothing wrong with struggling. There is nothing wrong with temptation. Jesus himself was tempted, so why should we expect to be free from temptation? Jesus struggled with accepting the call on his life. Before he was arrested, Jesus prayed to God, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." (Luke 22:42). Following Jesus's example, we should pray when we face temptation, fear, and struggling. God will strengthen us to do whatever he calls us to.

Blessings,

Sharon

Is It I, Lord? Are You Calling Me?

In 1 Samuel chapter 3, we learn the story of the Lord calling Samuel. Samuel believes it is Eli calling him during the night, he goes to Eli and Eli tells him that he did not call. Three times the Lord called. Three times Samuel thought it was Eli. The third time, Eli realized it was the Lord and told Samuel what to do.

Last year, I heard a minister tell the story of how God called to her as a child (the same way he called Samuel), but she ignored him, he called her again when she was older and she ignored him, he called again when she was a senior in college and she finally began to answer the call.

There is a hymn called, "Here I am, Lord" the chorus says:

Here I am, Lord,
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go, Lord,
If you lead me,
I will hold your people in my heart.

It's a great song.

In these three examples, the Lord literally called these people. They heard his voice. I'm not sure the Lord always calls in that way.

But I do think he's been calling me.

It's more of a feeling than a voice.

I wish I literally heard his voice calling.

But I haven't, I've just felt the Spirit pulling me.

To what? I'm not sure.

But I pray that my answer to whatever the Lord asks of me is: "Here I am, Lord...I will go, Lord if you lead me, I will hold your people in my heart."

Have you ever felt God calling you to something? How did you know it was God? How did you know what he was calling you to?

What Does it Mean to Love Others?

If, as Christians, we believe that God loved all people so much that he suffered and died for all humankind, then how much more should we love and value each and every person?

And if we agree that this means we should love and value each and every person, how do we do that?

What is love?

What is it to love others?

Christian or not, we get a really good answer by looking at the life of Christ.

Christ healed the sick, restored sight to the blind, made the lame walk, made the deaf here, he fed the hungry, he didn't judge, he spoke up when people were going to harm someone else and stopped them, he never turned anyone away. He went through life loving everyone. Even right before he was arrested he reattached the soldier's ear.

Jesus said that we should "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV).

Did you get that? It is just as important to love our neighbors as it is to love God. And by neighbors, Jesus means all other people.

And if all of that isn't good enough, Jesus, himself said: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13 KJV).

And then Jesus did just that, he suffered, bled, and died for all of us on earth, because he is desperate to be in relationship with each and every one of us.

So practically, how should we love others?

When you see someone eating alone, ask if you can sit with them.





When you see a homeless person, help them in any way you can.

When you hear of wrong doing in the world, stand against it.

It means giving your shirt off your back or the shoes off your feet.

It means giving a hungry person your last piece of bread.

It means speaking up for the voiceless.

It means seeking justice for those who are unrightly accused.

Standing up for the downtrodden.

Speaking up when you want to turn away.

It means selflessly giving.

It means serving.

It means:
“Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.” (John Wesley).

And yes, it could potentially mean giving up your life for the life of someone else.

xoxo

Sharon

The Parable of the Lost Sheep

In campus ministries we talk a lot about reaching those who don't know Christ and I know that is important and it is definitely a meaningful and worthwhile goal, but I think we are missing something here.

In our focus on those who don't know Christ we forget about those who do know Christ.

Just because someone believes in Christ doesn't mean they aren't lost...

...or wandering....

....or questioning....

....or feeling alone....

In college, we are surrounded by independence and freedom, we are surrounded by the secular. We are surrounded by Christians and non-Christians. And maybe in this tumultuous time, we get swept under, lost. And when we finally bob to the surface there isn't a Christian in sight.

Maybe like me, they are shy and introverted. I don't like to go to new places alone. It helps me to have someone with me or an invitation to go. I wouldn't have found Chi Alpha at Texas State if one of my (few) friends hadn't invited me to their BBQ at the beginning of my junior year.

It was a huge leap of faith for me to join Sigma Phi Lambda because I knew no one in it and I knew no one joining it, but I had been fighting the feeling that I should join it up until my junior year.

I'm so glad that I took those scary steps of faith to join those organizations because I have made amazing friends and I have learned wonderful things, I have so many people to go to for love and support and prayer in times of need.

But what if my friend hadn't invited me to the BBQ, what if I hadn't been courageous and joined Phi Lamb? I don't even want to imagine where I would be. But I will. I would be scared and alone ALL the time. I would be isolated and when things were difficult I would have no friends to turn to. I wouldn't have friends to speak God's truth into my life when I need it. I would be so ready to get out of here, but instead I am sad to go, because I have found such community here.

Being a Christian means being a part of community. But not all Christians will seek it out in college. So those of us who have found community need to seek out those isolated Christians, we need to befriend them, we need to show them that they are not alone and they never have to be alone.

In Luke 15, Jesus tells the parable of the lost sheep. A shepherd has 100 sheep, but one is missing, but that one is so important the he leaves the other 99 to find the 1 that is lost.

What do we know about that one sheep?

It was part of the flock,
         but now it isn't.
The shepherd knows it
         and he knows that it's missing.
The sheep may be in danger.
That one sheep is very valuable.

That one sheep is like Christians who haven't found a spot at college. They are lost, they are valuable, they are alone, they are separate, they may be in danger, and the Lord knows them. And he wants them to be a part of the community very much. It is not the responsibility of the sheep to find the flock, it is the responsibility of the shepherd to find the sheep. Though we are the sheep, we are also the hands and feet and mouth of Christ, therefore, we are the hands and feet and the mouth of the shepherd.

Therefore, it is our duty to find the lost or alone or separated Christians. It is our duty to reunite them with the body of believers.

 I believe that finding and reaching them is an achievable goal.

Upcoming Content

From time to time, I have mentioned God. I have mentioned some of my beliefs (which I think are different from other believers). But recently, God has been nudging me a whole lot. He has been knocking on my heart.
He wants something more for me.
Maybe it is the season of Lent. Maybe it is that I have been hearing some very inspiring and thought provoking words. Maybe it is because I have been spending more time doing quiet, individual Bible study.
I really don't know.
But as I explore these thoughts, I'm probably going to have more posts about Christian things or thoughts I have.
So just a word to the wise. I don't know how long this will last, but as long as I feel the spirit moving me more than usual, I'll be posting stuff about it. I know I have at least three coming.
I will still attempt NaPoWriMo, so be watching for that in April!

Dating Guidelines

So you're entering into a relationship with someone! That's exciting! Maybe you've dated before but you want to proceed in this relationship in a different way.  But do you know how to go about it? I know I'm currently single, but I have dated in the past, I have read books, I have talked to people. What follows is a list of guidelines that I think would be useful in dating, and if/when I date/court in the future, I plan to follow them.

1. Have Non-negotiables:
• Non-negotiables are deal-breakers. Reasons you won't date someone. Define them, know them, and stick to them. There's no point in defining them if you are just going to throw them out the window as soon as you meet someone.
• If you are a Christian, don't date non-Christians. I don't care if you prayed about it and you think God says it's okay. This is the test of all tests. This is the line of all lines. You can't have a Christ-centered relationship if the other person isn't Christian. You don't share the same values. If your faith is actually important to you, it will be a problem to be in a relationship with someone who isn't a Christian. This is Biblical. The Bible tells Christians to be set apart and not to marry non-Christians (this is two different verses). The Bible is the Word of God. If it so clearly tells us to specifically do something (or to not do something), we should probably listen.
• My two biggest non-negotiables are that I won't date someone who isn't a Christian and I won't date someone who smokes. I have other preferences, yes, but if you don't pass those two tests, I won't date you.
2. Set Boundaries
• These boundaries should define what sorts of interactions are or are not unacceptable. For instance, it might be a bad idea to be alone in private together. You may not want to spend time together late at night.
3. Make sure both of you are aware of the boundaries
• Boundaries are easier to stick to if you are on the same page.
4. Tell other people about your boundaries
• Tell the people you spend the most time with or talk to the most, tell the people you live with, tell your parents. They will be able to help you stick to your boundaries.
• Don't get mad when the people you have shared your boundaries with tell you that they think you aren't sticking to your boundaries.
5. Listen to your friends and family
• If they come to you with concerns about the relationship. Listen! Don't get mad, discount what they tell you, or make excuses. Often when we care about someone the chemicals which make us feel as though we are in love (oxytocin, serotonin, adrenaline, and some others) tend to make us perceive the world differently and can cause us to ignore our significant others' flaws which may be detrimental in the long run. What I'm saying is your family and friends may be aware of things that you are completely unaware of.
• In fact, it would probably be a good idea to ask friends and family members what they think, especially people who know you well and who you trust.
6. Don't have sex
• When we have sex, our bodies produce the hormone vasopressin which, among other things, helps to develop a pair bond. It may cause a relationship that should've ended quickly to last awhile. And when you do break up, it will cause extreme pain when that pair bond is broken. It is in your best interests not to have sex.
7. Hang out with your friends
• Should the relationship not work out, it is important to still be close to your friends so that you can have support during this difficult time. And if the relationship is successful, you won't have to search out people to be in your wedding.
8. Don't lose yourself in the relationship
• It is okay to take interest in the things he is interested in, but he should take interest in the things that you are interested in.
• It is also important to be able to do things separately, sometimes we just need some time apart.
• Keep pursuing your interests throughout the relationship. You shouldn't have to give up an interest or a hobby to keep the relationship. He should respect that it is a part of who you are, he doesn't have to take up your hobbies, but he shouldn't prevent you from doing them.
• This is another thing that will help should the relationship end, you won't have to figure out who you used to be before the relationship and it will help you to be able to do things that you enjoy.
• In fact, my mother once recommended that I make a list of things that I enjoy doing and do them throughout the course of any relationship and I think this is a very good idea. 

Remember there's more to life than relationships, but if you are pursuing one or want to pursue one, be smart about it!

Also, you might want to check out my post on Courtship.

Happy Dating!

Sharon

Courtship

Recently I've been thinking a lot about relationships. I'm surrounded by them. I know a lot of girls who are dating or are engaged. As I mentioned previously, my roommate recently started dating this guy. Since it's her first relationship, I've been trying to help her, and talking to her has brought up some really tough questions. Especially about boundaries.

A few days ago I finished reading this book called, "Boy Meets Girl Say Hello to Courtship" by Joshua Harris. You might be a little freaked out by the word 'courtship.' It might seem old fashioned or you might think of it as the weird dating thing the Duggars do where the parents go on all of the dates with their kids. But that isn't the idea of courtship in "Boy Meets Girl." It's a kind of radically different approach to dating or relationships or whatever you want to call it. What it boils down to is being intentional, protective, and guarding your hearts as you pursue a relationship with someone else. Maybe like me, you've heard of being intentional and guarding your hearts. And maybe like me, you weren't quite sure what that meant. After reading this book, I think being intentional just means approaching the relationship honestly and with the intention of answering the question, "should I marry this person?" That is what dating is about after all, finding a husband or a wife; a partner for life. Guarding your hearts (as I understood it) is about being honest with the person you are in a relationship with about where you see the relationship going, not sharing too much of yourself too soon (emotionally or physically).

Courtship is this radically different approach to dating that I think we desperately need today. People treat sex as nonchalant. But really if you have sex with someone without commitment and trust, you are hurting yourself. Sex cannot be casual because it involves all of you. But you can't just draw the line at sex. There are so many other things that require boundaries, and I think Joshua Harris does a good job addressing that in his book. He recognizes that what worked for him might not be right for everyone else, but he does point out that lust always wants more. It may start with an innocent kiss...but eventually that will not be enough anymore (for lust). You have to set boundaries before you get into those situations. So where do you draw the line in the sand? That really is up to you and I can't answer that question, but I'd highly recommend reading the chapter in the book titled "True Love Doesn't Just Wait." And let me tell you, I don't think there's anything wrong with kissing before marriage, but Joshua does have me rethinking that a little bit after reading that chapter. He explains boundaries way better than I ever could, so I urge you to go pick up a copy of his book.

Courtship is also about community. It is so important to get to know someone as a part of a community: around their friends, family, church, and so on. It is important to ask people that you trust to keep you accountable to your boundaries. It is important to allow the people around you to have a voice in your relationship: they may see something you don't see. They really do just want what is best for you. So don't ignore your friends or family if they tell you something that you don't want to hear. That is the most important time to listen to them.

To me, I think that before entering a time of courtship, it would be ideal to already have a foundation as friends. There is certainly a place for growing a friendship inside of courtship, but I honestly can't even imagine entering a courtship without knowing the guy as a friend first.

The last thing I want to say is that this book brought some things up inside of me. I realized that I want a relationship too much. Which is bad for me and unfair to anyone that I would date or even marry. I would have unrealistic expectations for the guy which would be frustrating for him; he would never be able to measure up because I would rely on him too much. So that is something that I will definitely have to work on. I have to pursue the Lord first, and any guy can come second. Even though I know this, I need to actively work on it. The other thing is that I have trouble accepting God's forgiveness for my past mistakes; I know that I have turned away from them, but I still feel the guilt from them, so I really need to try and look at myself through the Lord's eyes instead of my own.

I really hope you'll go out and read "Boy Meets Girl Say Hello to Courtship" by Joshua Harris, it might just change your mind about how to pursue a relationship.

Happy Courting!

Sharon 

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Football Game

So as I was walking to the football game on my lonesome Thursday night, an odd thing happened. I was approaching the tailgate zone and this guy stopped me, "Excuse me," he said, "I'm not trying to be weird, but I really just wanted to tell you that you are beautiful." 

"That is kind of weird, but thanks," I said.
"I don't mean to be weird, I just really felt in my heart that I needed to tell you that you are beautiful. And it's true. You're truly beautiful. Have a good night."
"Thanks," I said, "you too."

The guy seemed completely normal (as in, not altered in any way), but it was odd to say the least. He was a complete stranger and yet he felt compelled to stop me and tell me that I am beautiful, and beyond that, he actually stopped and told me. I can't say that I would. I posted the story on my Facebook and a ton of people liked it and my sister commented that obviously God was trying to send me a message. And maybe He was. The guy did say that he felt in his heart that he needed to tell me. I think this is even more amazing to me because I've never really felt like I actually heard God before. I've felt Him, I've seen Him in things, but I've never heard Him. And there he was as I was going to a football game, a completely normal thing, telling me that I, his creation, his daughter, am beautiful. I just can't even. And honestly, I haven't been feeling very beautiful lately. I've been feeling exhausted, stressed, frazzled, sad, used, drained, disastrous, but certainly not beautiful. Heck, I've even felt somewhat like a bad person recently. And to think, God knew how I was feeling and he put it in this random stranger's heart to tell me that despite everything, I am beautiful. Inside and out. That is pretty darn awesome. We do have an awesome God.

And if this somehow gets back to that random guy, thank you. That was exactly what I needed to hear. You are awesome. I love you (I'm not trying to be weird).

I am just dumbfounded that he felt in his heart that he should tell me that and he did it. I have felt that I should say something to people before. And I didn't do it. Yet, this guy has an obedient heart. How much better would the world be if we all listened to our hearts and did what was laid on them?

I hope that in the future, I can be more obedient to the Lord, because you never know why He is telling you to do something.

Stay beautiful, be obedient, and listen,

Sharon

You're Great, But....

You're great, but....

We've all heard those words. And it really sucks, because what it boils down to is a guy or girl who you really thought you had a chance with is telling you why it just won't work. And it's so hard to hear, but it's really important that we don't just shut down and not listen. Any relationship or potential relationship is a learning experience. If the other person is being honest with you, what ever follows those three words is the lesson. What you can do better in the future...or maybe not.

Let's talk about that first, the "you're great, buts" that are beyond our control.

"You're great, but your family sucks." I've basically been told that. He didn't technically say they sucked, but he said he didn't like them and he couldn't put up with them. My family is important to me. I love them. They are the second gift that God ever gave to me (the first being the gift of my salvation). They are precious to me. They aren't going away. They are part of the deal. So for me, that relationship can and will never work out. I'm not choosing a man over my family, unless he IS my family (as in my husband), but my future husband would never make me leave my family. He might ask me to physically move away from them for a job, but he would never say "Listen, it's me or them." Do you get what I'm saying here? I hope so, because I'm having trouble explaining it.

"You're great, but there's someone else." That sucks, and if you've ever been told that, I am sorry. But the thing is, he obviously wasn't committed to you and where there is no commitment, there can be no real relationship.

I'm sure there are plenty of others, but I can't think of them. But the point is, when someone gives you the "You're great, but" talk, you need to ask yourself, "Is this beyond my control?" If the answer is yes, then there's nothing for you to do. The relationship is over. Go binge watch your favorite tv show, cry to friends, eat tons of ice cream, go for a drive, call out to God. Let the healing begin.

What I really want to talk about is when you ask yourself, "Is this beyond my control?" and the answer is, "No, actually, it's not beyond my control." That's when there's a lesson to be learned.

First let me say that I am not writing this for you to think if you fix whatever it is, he will see that and you can get back together and live happily ever after. I am writing this to help you learn from your (and my) mistakes so that you cannot make the same mistakes in future, new relationships. While it is possible that you could make a change and end up getting back together with this person, it is extremely unlikely.

Just yesterday I was told: "You're great, but when it comes to relationships you seem too clingy and eager."

And you know what?

He was absolutely, 100% right. I AM too clingy. I AM too eager.

The frustrating thing for me was this is a relationship that ended before it even started. I thought there could be something good there, but because I am too clingy and because I am too eager, the relationship came to a screeching halt before it even left the station. And maybe that's for the best. I really don't know. But my point here is that for the girls out there who like me are too clingy and too eager, it turns men around. They want to chase you and they don't want you to be too interested. I know it's frustrating and difficult, but it's true. So what can we clingy/eager girls do?

Well here's what I did. I looked inward. I said to myself, where does the clinginess and the eagerness come from? I looked inside. At first I thought it came from the part of me that gets excited easily. And I do think that's true. But I think that it's a deeper problem than that. There is nothing wrong with being excited, but there is something wrong with being clingy and with being too eager. So the easily excited thing, was not the root of the problem, I had to look deeper. So I dug a little deeper and I looked at my soul and I realized that my clinginess and eagerness for relationships with guys here on earth is kind of a sin, for me at least. And when the Holy Spirit laid that on me, I got a little scared. I wanted to slam the door shut on my soul and take off running, because being clingy and too eager is something I have always struggled with so if it's a sin, how am I supposed to deal with that?

First let me explain, WHY I see clinging and being eager toward guys here on earth as a sin. To me, a sin is anything that separates me from God. I have definitely let relationships get between me and God before, and this is where that comes from. If I am clinging to a guy, if I am really eager toward a guy, then how am I supposed to maintain my relationship with God?

I can't. I am putting the guy in the way. Which is only going to set both of us up for failure. I'll have really high expectations for the guy, that he will never meet. And then I will be upset and disappointed and eventually the relationship will end.

So the clinginess and eagerness, for me at least, is a real problem. It is definitely something I have to work on.

So what can I do?

That's a bit harder. The answer is easy, but putting it into action will be difficult. The answer is this: I have to be eager for God, I have to cling to God, I have to seek God above and beyond everything else.

So I do think that God is giving me the gift of singleness right now. And it's not at all the gift that I want, but it definitely is the gift I need. I have to be able to cling to God through everything and not get distracted by something shiny (or muscle-y). I have to work toward Him in everything I do, and one day, I might find God blessing me with the gift of not-singleness (usually referred to as the gift of marriage) and then me and my guy will continue to pursue God first, before each other, before our relationship. I hope I get that gift one day, but for now I need to be happy with the gifts God has already given me.

I realize that I already have the most important relationship of my life: my relationship with God. I need to start treating it that way. Anything else is only secondary.

Seek God First,

Sharon

Sorority Stereotype

I've noticed all of my life that there are a lot of stereotypes surrounding sororities. It didn't really bother me until recently.

When people find out that I am a member of a sorority they often say: "You joined a sorority? You don't seem like the type."

Recently a friend of mine from high school posted on facebook saying "this applies everywhere - sororities and fraternities are idiotic, elitist, and downright meaningless." I commented on this post saying that this wasn't true of ALL sororities/fraternities and he deleted it, which is annoying but completely within his rights. But it's also within my rights to stand up for my sorority which is not idiotic, elitist, or "downright meaningless."

1. We are not idiotic. A sorority is just another kind of club. The main thing that unifies a sorority is that the members are all female. In my sorority, we are all female and we are also all believers in Christ.

We don't do hazing. I'm not saying it doesn't happen in other sororities or fraternities, because it does. I have heard horrible instances of hazing, I'm just lucky that I didn't have to go through that. And if someone had tried to haze me, I would have said no and reported them to the university and the authorities. If you were hazed, I am very, very, very sorry. If that did not stop you from staying in the sorority/frat, I beg you: DO NOT HAZE NEW MEMBERS. It is not okay. Break the chain. Hazing is abuse. It is disgusting and wrong. DO NOT LET YOUR BROTHERS OR SISTERS HAZE NEW MEMBERS. It just shouldn't happen. It needs to stop now. It reflects badly on all sororities and fraternities, JUST DON'T DO IT.

2. We are not elitist. I am assuming that he was referring to the normal process of joining. Typically, you go to a bunch of events and meet the members of the various sororities and you visit the houses and eventually bid day comes around and you find out which sorority/fraternity wants you. I admit, I have not been through this process. My sorority is not Pan-Hellenic. We do not do this process. We have events for prospective new members, but it is up to the new member: they decide whether they want to join or not. We do not turn ANYONE down. We do not pick you, YOU PICK US. For this reason, my sorority attracts girls from all walks of life. We are a very diverse group of girls who share a belief in Christ.

3. We are not "downright meaningless." My sorority is a huge group of supportive women. We support each other through tough times, we study together, we pray together, we worship together, we serve together, we give together.

All sororities and fraternities have philanthropies that they raise money for. SOME do bad things like hazing, but please don't lump us together.

Another thing I heard when I joined a sorority was that I was paying for friends. This person was referring to paying dues. All clubs need money to operate during the year. Dues are one way of collecting money for the operating costs of an organization. If I was paying for friends, I would be offering people money to hang out with me and that's not the same thing at all. My sorority hosts events and we go on retreats, these things cost money and our dues help to pay for them.

I hope you'll consider going greek this year.

Until Next Time,

Sharon

Evolution and Christianity - Through My Eyes

A little preface to this post:

This summer at the state park, I was talking to one of the park hosts and I mentioned that I had reconciled evolution and Christianity, although for me it was never too much of a problem. She said that I should write down how I reconciled the two, because it might help someone else. So I did. The result was about two pages, but it really is the result of my entire life in church and at least a year and a half of biology courses (I have taken even more since I reconciled my belief in God and evolution and they often provide additional support for my understanding). After I wrote this, I had planned to share it here, but I didn't plan to share it so soon.

Before my internship started, my parents and I stopped in Sonora, Tx at the little Methodist church there. The pastor talked to me beforehand and during the children's sermon, she asked if she could pray for me. One of the things she prayed  for was that God would help me to share my faith while at my internship, and I remember thinking "how am I going to share my faith as an intern at a state park out in the middle of West Texas?"

Well Saturday, I was speaking with the wife of one of the men who lives and works at the park and she mentioned that one of the campers had given her a Bible because they were talking about religion, and she is an athiest. She told me that she wants to believe because it seems to provide a lot of comfort to some people, but she just can't.

I've been thinking about how I can share this with her since then. My heart was moved and I really want to reach out to her. So this is my first step. I'm sharing it here, and then I am going to write her a letter and leave it in the Bible the camper gave her. It might be cowardly, but that is what I plan to do.

God conspires (I love that word) in strange ways.

If you are scientific and you are questioning Christianity in light of evolution, I hope this helps you. And if you are Christian and wondering how to speak to people who accept evolution as true, I hope this helps you as well. And for everyone, I hope you'll find this interesting and thought-provoking and I hope you'll learn something. 

As a biology student and a Christian, I realized early on that I needed to reconcile those two things. So I did some thinking and discussing with those around me. The evidence for evolution was strong. But the conviction in my heart that God IS real and that God created ME (and all of the beautiful things around me that made me want to study biology in the first place) was equally strong. The definition of evolution (change in allele frequencies in a population over time) was logical. But if the changes occurred to a great enough extreme, it would follow that a group of new, different, possibly reproductively isolated (the Biological-Species concept) individuals (yes, a species) could potentially arise. And this process could occur often enough to create the chain of organisms that scientists recognize. But, if this were the case, shouldn’t there be some sort of record of ALL of those intermediate forms (this would be Gradualism, of which, Darwin was a proponent)? Perhaps, the forms were indistinguishable from one another until the new species emerged? That explanation isn’t very satisfying; perhaps something else was going on?

Cue, Punctuated Equilibrium. If you don’t know, this is the idea that there were long periods of no change followed by shorter periods of rapid change. If the changes were rapid, then it would make sense that there would be few of the intermediate forms, and lots of the forms from the periods of stagnation. Makes sense to me.

Now let’s say we go all the way back to the very beginning of the chain of life on earth. We are taught in biology that life began with some sort of unicellular organism which could exist in an anaerobic atmosphere. Some sort of cyanobacteria came onto the scene, producing oxygen and maybe some bubbles of oxygen gas rose up from under water supplying oxygen to our atmosphere. Once there was oxygen in the atmosphere, further evolution could occur.

But we haven’t gone back far enough yet. What caused the planet to exist with an anaerobic atmosphere and that unicellular protist which eventually gave rise to all life? Depending on your school of thought, your answer may vary. Perhaps you’ll say the Big Bang. Or perhaps, you’ll say God. Let’s consider the former.

The Big Bang tells us that all matter was this huge ball of energy and one day it just exploded randomly forming the universe (which may be expanding or collapsing, go see a physicist for more, my understanding of the Big Bang is, admittedly, hazy) including our galaxy, including our solar system, including our planet.

So let’s go back even further. What caused the Big Bang?

…….

…….

……..

No, I’m serious, tell me, what caused the Big Bang?

Imagine a series of dominoes falling. The last domino has just fallen. What caused it to fall? The domino before it. And what caused that domino to fall? The domino before it…And eventually, what caused the very first domino to fall? Someone or something pushed the first domino which caused a chain reaction which ultimately caused the very last domino to fall. So what pushed the first domino? Let’s just say it was a finger.

The first domino is the Big Bang, by the way.

God is the finger.

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth.

On the third day, God created seed-bearing plants and fruited plants.

On the fifth day, God created fish and birds.

On the sixth day, God created the animals of the land.

Evolution says that plants were one of the first lineages to arise. Followed, eventually, by fish. Which in turn were followed by amphibians, then reptiles, then birds, and mammals. Sound familiar? It is essentially the same order.

But the Bible says that creation took a total of seven days, while evolution says these same events occurred over millions of years. There is this funny thing about the Bible, it wasn’t originally written in English. It was written in a variety of ancient languages, including Hebrew. In Hebrew the word "yom" which means “day” has at least three meanings: the first is the 12-hour period from sun up to sun down, the second is the 24 hour period from sun down to sun down, and the third is an indiscriminate amount of time (it could be a very, very long time). So maybe, the “day” mentioned in Genesis is really hundreds of thousands (or even millions) of years.

So maybe Genesis should actually say:

In the first thousands of years, God created the heavens and the earth.

In the third thousands of years, God created  seed-bearing plants and fruited plants.

And so on.

Now, I know some of you are challenging me. Maybe that’s all good and well to you, but you think you have the nail that will seal the case against me: what if we keep going back, if God caused the Big Bang, who or what caused God?

Dear friends, I remember as a little kid, I sat and asked myself that very question, I thought and I thought and I thought. Perhaps, God has a mom, I thought. But then, God’s mom would have a grandma, and she would have her own mother and so on and so forth. Friends, I gave myself a headache. Eventually, I accepted that God just was and is and ever shall be. I know from a scientific stand-point, that’s not very satisfying. But, from a religious stand-point, it is. I don’t have to understand God to believe in Him. I don’t have to know what chemical reaction has to occur to change cookie dough into cookies, I just know it works. And for me, God works. It might not be satisfying, it might not be testable. But I, you, we are too complex to have occurred through some long, convoluted process that occurred simply by chance. God was there, God made it happen. God is the finger that pushed the first domino.