Some Sort of Life Crisis

Hello internet,

Are you there?

No matter, I'll just write this poem here for you whenever you happen to stop by.




The other day I was driving on the highway
And we saw a car fire.
My sister called 911
A firetruck arrived
The fire was extinguished
We went about our day.


But today, I can't help but feel
That my life is that burning car
And I am the driver standing nearby
Helplessly watching it go up in smoke
Uncertain and unaware of where or how to go.

My life is not what I expected or anticipated
Or anywhere near what I would like it to be.

But I am stuck and I don't know how to go where I want.

You're not stuck.

I am. I'm stuck.
I can apply, apply, apply for jobs
And not get them.

I am working a job anyone could get
with a clean background
and a high school diploma.

My college degrees were in vain.
Wasted time. Wasted money.
Loans that seem insurmountable.

I think of that story
With the train
That just thought really hard
And tried really hard
And got over the hill.

I really liked that story as a kid.
I tried to live out that story as I grew up.

But I did not crest the hill.

They will tell you if you try hard enough
You'll get it
But that isn't true.

You've got to have the right stuff.
And I don't.
I don't have the experience.

And I've applied for jobs that I would like
That don't require experience
But if someone else who has experience applies
They will get the job.

So I guess I need to volunteer.
I should have volunteered and interned while I was in school.
I should have done more.

Getting a degree does not guarantee you a job

GETTING A DEGREE DOES NOT GUARANTEE YOU A JOB.

It doesn't even always guarantee you an interview.

I'm not saying college is a waste
It's just you've got to have the experience too.
So you have to volunteer and have a job and get internships
AND study and go to class.

Then maybe you'll be able to get a job that uses your degree.

And suddenly I feel like I've done everything wrong.
I studied hard but that wasn't enough.
I had an internship but that wasn't enough.

And it all kind of boils down to this massive feeling
that
I am NOT enough.

And so my life feels like a car on fire.
And I am twenty-five
And having some sort of life crisis.

If you couldn't tell, I'm feeling down,

Sharon

NaPoWriMo 2015!

Call me nerdy, but when NaPoWriMo tweeted that they would be having countdown posts for the next 7 days leading up to April and the beginning of NaPoWriMo, I got pretty excited.

I do plan to ATTEMPT to write a poem every day in April, hopefully from NaPoWriMo's daily prompts (sometimes I have trouble getting inspired to write poetry, but I really do enjoy it).

So this post is meant to :

A) Inform you that I'll be posting a whole lot more now (at least once daily! [fingers crossed])
B) Encourage you to look into NaPoWriMo (and maybe even participate!)
C) To affirm that I am participating if any fellow NaPoWriMo-ers should happen to stop by before I post a poem (on account of my never having posted a poem here before)

There are three reasons that I'm excited about NaPoWriMo:

1) Ever since I discovered NaPoWriMo (I'm honestly not sure when that was, at least four years ago, I think?), I've attempted to write a poem inspired by the daily prompt, but as yet, I have not managed to stick it out through the entirety of April, but I'm really hoping that this year will be different since I'll be posting the poems on my blog instead of keeping them in a personal journal (even though that is my favorite way to write poems - there's something special about pen on paper, you know?).

2) It is a challenge: can you write a poem every day for 30 days? Yes? Prove it. "Don't believe me; just watch."

3) A lot of people claim they have no regrets, but you know what I do have regrets; I'm not perfect and I make mistakes and recently, I have realized just how much I wish I was a writing minor. I really miss creative writing and writing prompts and positive feedback on my writing and all the things that go with non-technical writing. As a biology major, I do a lot of writing (believe it or not), but it is always technical; I do enjoy it, but I just really want to be creative. Writing used to be my outlet and I have somewhat gotten back to that with this blog and with my journal (which I'm not keeping daily, but I always have with me to jot down quick ideas and whatnot), but I still feel a little bit of a creative void and I'm hoping that NaPoWriMo will help with it.

You might be wondering why I don't add a writing minor and the answer is simple, I'm graduating this May (everyone keeps counting down and I just wish they'd stop; I have too much to do before graduation and I currently have no clue what I'm doing after graduation [other than being in my childhood best friend's wedding! - but that's not what I mean...])

Finally, I hope you'll consider this post an invitation. I hope you'll consider taking this challenge with me, whether it's through following my blog (and calling me out if I haven't posted a poem that day!) or actually writing poems every day through April (whether pen and paper or blog form).

Will you be participating in NaPoWriMo? Do you wanna help keep me accountable? Are you going to follow my poetry posts or actually writing your own poems? Let me know; I'd love to hear from you!

In the meantime, I'm on pins and needles til NaPoWriMo posts the first prompt!

Eagerly,

Sharon