Thoughts on Death

Today, a cat my family had for most of my life (around 15-17 years) died.

A few weeks ago, a friend's fiancee was killed in an accident involving a drunk driver.

Numerous police officers have been killed.

Since April, two of my very own pets (ducks) were killed by a raccoon. A bird my sister rescued died during the summer.

Lots of people die every day.

So death has been on my mind a lot.

I don't deal with death well.

I don't like it.

I want to live in a world where people and animals don't have to die.

Death robs us of the people and animals we love the most. Those who we feel we cannot live without. Those who we never imagined living without. It breaks our heart and our soul. It rocks our world.

And yet, we look around and see that even though our world is crumbling around us, no one else seems to realize that our world has changed forever. They just go about their lives as though everything is exactly the same. But it isn't.

And perhaps, that is the most heartbreaking part of death, or any loss. No one else is affected. No one else seems to notice just how much the world has changed. We feel isolated. No one else seems to understand.

We have a hole in our hearts that will not heal with time. Our lives, our worlds are changed forever in ways that others simply don't understand. We continue to live. Even with this ache in our hearts that may dull with time, but will never completely heal. We will carry their memory with us, we will continue to love them. We will miss them terribly until we one day are reunited.

Some of you may think that I am overreacting to the death of a pet. But really this is something that has been building up inside me over time.

But I am also heartbroken over the death of this cat. I could try to explain how special she was but you just couldn't understand that she truly was (and is) as dear to me as a best friend is to you.

And if you are grieving over a loss, whether recent or in the past, know that you are not alone. While the world may not feel the particular ache that you feel, and may not miss whoever you miss, we all have a hole in our hearts and a longing for someone who we can only guess when we will see them again.

We love you, Oreo.
We love all those who have left us.

Peace,

Sharon

Going to Grad School: Signing the Lease

You've been approved for your apartment and its time to sign your lease!

Usually a representative of the apartment will go through the lease with you and show you where to initial, sign, and date the document. Even though they will offer a brief summary of each page, it is SO important  that you read each page and section, you need to know what you are agreeing to. A lease is a legally binding document.

Usually at the same that you sign the lease, the guaranty form will need to be completed. This form should be completed by someone (usually a parent or guardian) who agrees to pay your rent for you if you don't for some reason.

There may be additional forms filled out at this time as well. Such as pet or vehicle information.

You may also need to submit your security deposit at this time if you haven't already.

There is often a Community Policy Handbook that you will have to sign and agree to abide by.

Again, be sure to read everything that you sign!

Soon, it will be time to move in!

Unitl then,

Sharon

Going to Grad School: Applying for your Apartment

Congratulations! You've found your ideal apartment; so now it's time to apply!

If you can, I reccommend applying in person, that way the leasing agent or apartment representative will be able to ensure that your application is complete.

If you can't apply in person, don't fret! Many apartments allow you to apply online either through a form online or you may be able to fax or email the application to the apartment manager.

In addition to the actual application, you will usually need to pay an application fee, some complexes require you to submit your deposit with your application, they may request a copy of your ID, and most students require a guarantor so there is often a form for your potential guarantor to sign.

Once your application is complete, the complex will likely look into your credit history, perform a criminal background check, and often check your rental history.

As long as everything comes back clear; you'll be approved and it'll be time to sign the lease! I'll be back next time with some advice on signing the lease.

Good luck,

Sharon

Going to Grad School: Finding a Place to Live

During the spring semester of my senior year at Texas State University, I applied to the master's non-thesis Marine Biology IDP program at TAMUG. I was accepted.

At first I wasn't sure if I was going to go or not, but after I applied for a ton of jobs, I hoped that that was a signal from the man upstairs that I should go ahead and go to grad school.

This meant that I had to find a place to live in Galveston. But as I'm about four hours away, that is quite difficult.

I googled Apartments in Galveston, TX which did return results, but ultimately wasn't that helpful. I looked on craigslist for apartments which helped me find two possible complexes and I looked up apartment locators in Galveston. However, the most useful resource was from the University's website.

Many Universities have information about off-campus living. This is probably the most reliable resource you can use. Although TAMUG requires all undergraduate students to live on campus, they have a listing of apartments which are willing to work with students, this listing also included what the rental rates were and what was included.

What to look for:

1. Rent - First, make yourself an approximate budget and determine how much you can afford in monthly rent. Do not look at apartments that are above your price range.

2. Utilities - Some apartments which are geared toward students will include all or some amount of the utilities. But it is very important to know what you are expected to pay. At my two apartments in San Marcos, no utilities were included. The electricity was metered and paid through the city, which worked out quite well. At my first apartment gas and water were allocated (water was allocated at my second apartment), which frustrated me. This means that your water bill is dependent on the entire building's water usage, which is then divided by the number and square footage of the units. So it is very difficult to control bills for utilities that are allocated. Utilities also tend to change from month to month so when rent includes all of your  utilities, budgeting is a lot easier.

3. Proximity to campus - I prefer to live within walking distance to campus, but if you don't mind living further and driving to and from school then you can increase your search radius. Often, apartments further from campus are less expensive. Also, if yur school has a bus system, its a good idea to look for an apartment that is either on the bus route or within walking distance of a bus stop.

4. Lease length - Often student's only live in the college town during the school year. If you plan to go home during the summer, it's a good idea to look for an apartment that offers 9 moth lease terms. But often, you may be stuck with a 12 month lease.

5. Roommates - Living with roommates is often less expensive, but can introduce new issues. Living in an apartment that offers "by-the-bed" leasing can help to reduce tensions because you aren't responsible for your roommates rent. If you would like to have roommates to save money, but don't have anyone to live with, keep in mind that many apartments do "roommate matching" though it should be noted that they may not try that hard to match you with someone. I have friends who say that you should not live with friends, because it may ruin the friendship. While this isn't true of everyone, I have seen it happen. If you do live with roommates, I recommend suggesting a "Roommate Agreement" which may help ease tension and reduce future problems. Just remember, you have to stick to the roommate agreement, not just your new roommate.

6. Do you have pets that you will be bringing with you? Most apartments have a pet deposit or pet rent. Some complexes have breed restrictions on dogs. These are things to be aware of when looking for your apartment.

Once you've found your ideal apartment, it's time to apply! I'll talk about that in my next post.

Happy hunting,

Sharon

Let's Catch Up

Well, since graduation I haven't really posted anything. So you have no idea what's going on with me.

Since graduation, I've been doing a whole lot of nothing. I was in a friend's wedding in June which was a huge privilege. I have applied for a lot of jobs and gotten zero interviews (which means zero offers). My grandma had a heart attack in July and I've been helping my mom take care of her. I've also decided to move forward with going to graduate school which is expensive, but maybe that will be a later blog post.

So yeah, that's what I've been up to over this very exciting summer.

I promise to post more often.

xoxo

Sharon

the Commencement Address you will never hear

Yesterday, I (sorta) graduated from college! In response to said event, I thought about what it would be nice to hear and wrote my own commencement address:

Congratulations! After four years (give or take) of hard work, you're finished! Today we are celebrating what you set out to achieve and have achieved. After all of the papers, tests, projects, group projects, presentations, and finals, you're finished! I think we should all take a moment to just take a deep breath.
I hope that you are not living for the future. The future is not just tomorrow, it is here: it is today. It was yesterday. Whether you are going to start a job, go to graduate school, or even if you have absolutely no idea what you are doing after you cross the stage, you are living your future. Make the most of it: enjoy it! Don't worry about what you think the next step is.
Now, I will not welcome you to the real world. Because college is very much the real world. Over the years, many of you have taken out huge amounts of loans, paid bills, worked jobs, lived paycheck to paycheck, learned to budget your money, and, hopefully, your time. These are all realities of the real world, that some would have you believe you are only just entering. Yes, life is about to change no matter what your post grad plans are, but I believe college has prepared you, in some way for your future.
Don't forget where you came from. Be proud of where you came from. People may judge you, but don't let them put you in a box. Don't allow them to nullify everything you have worked for. People are going to discount you. They are going to judge you because of your sex, your age, your gender, where you come from. They are going to tell you what you should do and what you can't do. My hope is that as you go into the post-grad world, your mantra will be: "Don't believe me; just watch."
Don't live to please or appease others. Yes, sometimes life requires those things. And it feels good to be validated by others. But don't live for that validation. Someone is always going to think they know better than you. Older siblings arw never going to forget they are older than you. Find your passion, your dream. And go get it! Take risks and make mistakes. Live! I promise you, if they have stood by you this far through the experiment of college, they will stand by you through the journey of life. It is your journey, other people's "shoulds" cannot guide you, you must follow the compass of your own heart. There will be times where your loved ones think you should be doing something else; recite your mantra to them: "don't believe me; just watch."

NaPoWriMo: Finishing Up!

Obviously NaPoWriMo has been over for a few days now, how sad! Unfortunately, I had a lot of things going on so I was unable to finish at the time. But I am just going to go ahead and do my last two posts right here, right now! Also, I want to thank Maureen Thorson for running napowrimo.net and any fellow NaPoWriMo-ers who visited my blog, read, commented, encouraged, creeped, what have you. All because of NaPoWriMo, my pageviews on my little unappreciated blog skyrocketed and that was very exciting for me! I also got my first ever review of any of my work (another thank you to Maureen for being so kind and featuring my blog early on). It has been a wonderful experience to write poems regularly and to read other people's poems. Hopefully, I will keep up the habit of writing poems frequently because it can be very cathartic and calming to me. Without further ado:


Day 29
Prompt: Write a Review Poem

Napowrimo.net
provides a poetry prompt each day in April
provides a poetry resource each day in April
features a participating poet each day in April.
It was quite an enjoyable thing
To see others my praises sing
(That isn't very humble of me...)
It was quite a challenging thing
To create a new poem to bring
To respond to the new prompt each day
It helps poets, novices and masters, alike
To refine their art
It creates a modern community
To make sure there is no discontinuity
In poetry being written
And encouragement being given
An enjoyable experience indeed
NaPoWriMo.net, I give you five stars
Forever in your debt,
Sharon


Day 30
Prompt: Write a poem backwards (oh no.... so for this poem, you will want to read from the bottom up, although it might be interesting to read from top down, we shall see)

Goodbye
I think its time we said
But really
I never wanted to hurt you
My love does not spontaneously combust
But it can't
So we can start where we left off
You just want the fire to burn brightly
You don't want to try to ignite a spark
But you aren't willing to try and start fresh
To the kind that refuses to go out
It might grow from a small slow fire
And cared for,
Provided with fuel,
Protected,
Perhaps a spark, could relight it
Like the ashes of a fire, the embers long burnt out
But inside my feelings are all dead
That you believe I love you too
That you see us together
You say you love me
So that a fresh piece of wick could be lit
The wax would need to be cut off
The wick is too low and burnt to be lit anymore
I am like a candle that has burned too hot for too long
And cold to such feelings
It turns mute
A burned heart does not want to speak the language of love
But I have been burned too much before
I can tell what you want
By the look in your eyes
You say
"Hello"


I think it works reading either way, but it makes a smidge more sense if you read from the bottom up.

Fare-thee-well NaPoWriMo,

Sharon